Here to stay.
Saturday, 05/23/09 - 8:53 pm.

This entry starts at 5:50 am on friday, when I woke up to go to work. On fridays, I have to be in the office at 7 am, so the day feels longer; even though I get out at 4. There have been power outages in the office, and we discovered the whole electrical system was a mess (we had risk of fire on thursday, yay!) so it's a sensory nightmare being there, with all the changes in voltage and the UPSs beeping.

After 4, I headed to the clinic. I reviewed my cases and chatted with W, who was around. He reviewed my cases too and gave me homework (a twist in therapy for one of my clients). He also told me something that made me really, really sad: he saw my first patient, the girl I saw from january to october '08, on issues like rape and her upbringing. It was an amazing case with amazing results, and I am very fond of her. I often find myself wondering how she is, hoping I made a lasting impression in her life, for the better.

He found her alone, eating soup in a restaurant, with a gauze on her wrist like she'd given a blood sample. W says she looked extremely sad; she's his friend so he knows her. And I know that look in her eyes, too, it broke my heart every week. Her sister kicked her out of her house (I yelled WHAT? when he told me, because it was HER house), she's somatizing again, she's off work. It didn't dissapoint me, because I know that the job she and I did was well done...but just makes me wonder how much therapy can change someone. W said that, given her personality traits and personal history, she'd need longer treatment, say, 4 or 5 years. He told her she can always have follow-up sessions with me, but she insists she's fine. She has my e-mail, but I doubt she'll contact me. Not in the near future.

Aside from the sad news, my friday patient cancelled because he got stuck in traffic for over an hour past our session time. This is the third week that goes by with one of us cancelling, but it hasn't been on purpose. However, I got desperate when I realized it'll be almost a year since I'm seeing this young man and no progress has been made. It's almost the same with the young girl I see on mondays. They're quite a challenge, one seems to be addicted to love/codependent and the other...man, he's lived his whole life on irrational beliefs.

Now, onto the fun stuff.

After the clinic, I met up with CR and his two girl friends, that we shall call Em and Ma. They're sisters. CR and I were attending a concert and they came along. Al couldn't make it, so we lost our chance to get in for free (he used to have a band, so he has privileges).

The band took forever to start, but the four of us talked and drank (you know me, though: non-alcoholic). Later in the night, Al did show up. It was a great vibe; five people is quite a party, and the music was great. I have a thing for the bassist, he kind of reminds me of Joseph, but more punk rock, heavily tattoed and with a degree in engineering (I wonder how you can get a job in this country with so many tattoos). I don't drool too much for him, because I know a lot of girls do and I hate being just one of many. Anyway, as my friend Angel once said, fun was had by all.

I came home at 1 am. I sent Al a text message, because I didn't say goodbye to him. I was distracted because my dad had called me and he sounded angry, although I couldn't make out what he was saying (when I came home, he wasn't angry but in anguish). I was not in a rush to get home and I waited for the gig to end anyway, but it threw me off. Also, I met Al's cousin, who's just plain crazy and as soon as we said hi, she put her arm around my waist and started to tell me about this motherfucker that had dumped her. So I texted him saying I didn't say goodbye to him and thanks for the nachos (he bought some). To my surprise, he replied, saying it had been a nice trip, he hadn't gone out in a while and it was good to see you.... Dot, dot, dot. I got a huge grin on my face.

I mean, I know he's not romantically interested in me. When he arrived at the place, he explained he had had an argument with his girlfriend. I don't mind, because I'm not romantically interested in him anymore. I see him as a good friend to party with, and that's awesome; ok, ok, I also like that when we talk while the band is playing, we lean very close to each other. But it's good, clean fun. I even told him to bring his girlfriend, because, as CR says, the more, the merrier. It's just that he's so cool that I feel great to count him as a pal, and he seems to have a good opinion of me, too. And that's it.

And then I woke up this morning earlier than I expected. Because I was meeting CR at 11:30. And let's cut the crap and get to the bottom line: I FINALLY GOT INKED!!!

(and on a special date, too. It's my friend Mikey's birthday today).

I'd been nervous all day, but never I thought of backing down. Once I got in his studio and he closed the door, I was calm. Maybe slightly excited. It tickled at first, then it hurt. It hurt a lot. Depends on the spot, though. Sometimes it felt like he was hitting my shoulderblades, and he must've hit some nerves connected to my right elbow. But I was calm. And happy. This is what I wanted.

There was a bunch of people at the studio, and they were coming and going in the room where I was. I didn't mind. It was awesome being around this incredibly pierced/tattooed people. The artist put on a CD of the band CR and I had seen last night. In fact, at that band's last gig is where I met my tat artist. I'm not a huge fan of the kind of music they play, but whenever they play, they create a vibe that's impossible not to love. I like the rhythm, yes.

One of these guys told his story. At 22, he'd been in jail five times and had a five-year-old skater daughter. His ear piercings where so big there was a seashell hanging from one. His face was pierced all over, and he had an unfinished tattoo all over his back. My artist also had been in jail. Some of these people were in gangs, and some weren't but got in trouble just the same (getting in fights, problems with cops, getting shot, etc.). And yet, to me, they were just nice people, trying to make a living. Another artist that worked at the studio had just graduated in art. It was great hanging out with people with lives so different than mine. These two days, I met quite crazy people. It's a great scene.

So it was three hours of hearing stories of all sorts. I started to get a little desperate with the pain and the long wait, but then came the moment of truth. I got up and stood with my back to the mirror...and wow. All the boys in the room would occassionaly peek at my back while the tat artist did his work, and they had nothing but compliments to his work and, hey, even my skin tone, what a great canvas it was. Indeed, it's beautifully done. He took care of every detail in the drawing and it's just so, so, so, so awesome!!!

He cleaned it, covered it and I paid him. $50, he charged, and I gave him a $10 tip. I'd read you tip the artist and CR said the same thing. In fact, what he did costs much more than that (I hate to think how much I'd have to pay for something like this in the States, though). This ink thing is pure art. PURE ART, I tell you.

Afterwards, CR and I stopped by a supermarket, and like the Pokemon he is, I sent him to fetch a tiny bottle of cream, to hydrate the tattoo. Then we went to Al's house!!! We hung out there for an hour and something and he loved my tattoo. Mar also showed up, with beer for her and the boys, and an ice cream sandwich for me (haha, aaaawww!). I love hanging out in Al's bedroom. He reminded me that we still have a Starfox match to play, and I hope it can be next week.

The tat hurts like a bruise, and I've been told to take care of it as such. I have to be extra careful these next two weeks. Other than that, I am in awe. I have no words. I can't wipe this stupid grin off my face. I was so high in all this that I skipped a meal. Since breakfast at 8 am, I only had a paper cup of water at 2:30 until I ate the ice cream sandwich at 4:30.

I'd been bitter about Art, but last night he didn't matter. This morning he texted me when he was going to work, but then I found he had left a similar message to the girl, or perhaps even more caring: I'm off to work, have a nice day *kiss*. All I got was a I'm off to work, my worst day of the week. Doesn't this sound like a mistress/wife thing? I'm still bitter at this game he's playing with her, because then I feel I was a game for him, too, so I'm staying away from him as much as possible.

I was going to the movies tomorrow, by myself, but these two days have been so crazy that I could also use a day to stay away from the world. Sleep, write, read, prepare my therapy sessions...for now, I feel complete.

And of course, I love my tattoo.

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