Tuesday, 06/09/09 - 9:07 pm.
Yesterday I witnessed a robbery. I was walking down my street, coming from work, and I saw a guy walking up to two people. The scene drew my attention but they seemed to be talking and I kept walking. Then I heard the screech of the car that was parked near the "friends" that were talking.
Ah, crap. It happened four houses away from mine, and on MY sidewalk. I walk down by that sidewalk when I come from work, but had I done that yesterday, I would've been robbed too. It happened right as I had them in front of me (in a 90� angle). I have to keep my eyes open from now on...not that I don't do it already. But I felt safe on my street; when I come from work, I feel relieved when I turn around the corner. That, no more.
This is a very busy week, with a lot of meetings (I particularly hate the logistics for the Board of Directors meeting, on thursday). Work is lame sometimes, when I have to put up with the macho side of my coworkers. They're respectful to me, but I hate their jokes, I hate how they joke about "having" women and stuff. Maybe I could write them down and see what I do with it. Today we were in some short training workshop and I felt like getting out. And you know who's the first one to step all over my gender? The social worker, a woman. She's so traditional and also jokes this way. This thing of the woman being inferior is so, so buried in their minds, they don't know. If I told them, they'd deny it. But one day...one day, you'll see.
On slightly related news, this afternoon most of the staff attended a workshop, and I hate that what I say it's not a big deal. Not because the others don't care, I just seem to lack the right answer. Trying not to get discouraged by that paid off, though, because at the end of the workshop, I said something about using percentages instead of numbers and everyone nodded and was in complete agreement. Later, I was with the boss and some outreach workers, just chatting, and by our conversations, I can tell they like me a lot, which is nice. At the end of the day, they respect me and are even fond of me.
Likewise, they're wonderful, smart people. If only the gender approach meant something to them...it does, in a way. But it's in the small, daily details, that you can tell the more things change in this regard, the more they remain the same. But anyway...we're going to a three day retreat in july, in some resort. I don't quite feel like going but when I have these little colloquial moments with them, I look forward to it.
***
I've been thinking of speaking to Art again. I miss him. But then I notice that I get a little distressed, thinking of his game with that girl. Then I think how unimportant my feelings were for him, and I feel let down. Then I get angry because all he'd do is deny it's a big deal and instead would give me the message that getting hurt was my own fault.
At times I feel like checking his or her profile, but I refrain. Because I'd feel bad. At times I feel like asking a common friend if he's talked to him or what's the news on "the joke" but I refrain. Bottom line, I'd like to be back in touch with him somehow but I just refrain, because I'd feel bad. I suppose I'm dissapointed; I trusted someone with my feelings and they were not taken seriously. I feel betrayed.
I'll get to bed. This thing of staying away from Art, as well as having a very busy week, has me staying away from social-networking, and I feel a little lonely. But I hope to make up for this over the weekend.
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