At least, thank God it's thursday night.
Thursday, 06/11/09 - 10:08 pm.

In retrospective, this week has been a little miserable. I've been really focused on work, but today was not particularly nice. I'm lucky to have a job, a job that's for the most part pretty calm and is well paid...but sometimes their ideology (especially on gender) is too much for me to bear, or I screw up more than necessary, or I'm blamed more than I deserve.

Usually I let it pass. I don't quite care. Today I had a rough afternoon, and it's when things stack up one after the other that I break down a little. My coworkers, three in particular...I like them, but I know they're backstabbers and they're taking some liberties with me; I want to say, "dude, I'm not your friend, you don't get to treat me like that". I'll just keep my distance. As I said, different ideologies (and I know if it's not there, I'll find it anywhere else, anyway). Regarding what I said in my last entry about looking forward to the three-day retreat: I am not. I wish I coould sneak out of that.

So this week has been miserable, but TGIF tomorrow. This week has been way too long, with too many meetings, including Board of Directors meeting tonight. At least we got out at 8 and not at 9 pm. I came home, took a shower and decided it was best not to dwell on the lame stuff.

This week he's been buried deep in my mind, but today I thought about Joseph. Nothing painful, I just thought it'd be nice to have him to tell him about the crap I deal with at the office. He's not what you'd call a feminist, but he was a little sensitive on these issues from time to time, or at least he listened to me and validated my feelings.

Tomorrow's Art birthday. Today I decided to check his profile and see what was up with this girl. My day was crap already and if I saw anything that revolted me, I knew I'd forget about it quickly with all the things I needed to get done at work. You know? When I started with him, I was hoping I'd be his "it's complicated". But anyway. The messages between him and her weren't so many as I expected, but still they contained comments like "when I get there" (Art is visiting in august). I don't really know how I feel about him, but I do know I don't want to talk to him. Sometimes I think about getting back in touch with him, but...let's say once they kick you, you think twice about coming close again.

So, friday tomorrow, eh? Lord, it's been tough, this week. With nothing to get me through the day and nothing to look forward to. I just get caught up in work, and so I got tired more quickly. Every morning, getting out of bed is painful. But I'll start making my weekend agenda, and I hope it will be filled with fun. I really need it. I fucking deserve it.

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