Psychological distance has been good to me.
Saturday, 06/13/09 - 8:14 pm.

I love weekends. I get to have fun. My friend Mich flew in from Sweden last night and she and the love of her life (exboyfriend) will pick me up in an hour to go to the movies. I want to go out with friends so bad.

I'd kinda promised Joe that I'd attend his jazz concert tonight. He said, "I've been waiting for years...". I asked CR, but he had a family thing, and Victor had agreed on coming, but a family emergency came up and he cancelled. Poor Joe, I always stand him up. I don't think he'll care that much, but I feel bad.

I'd been thinking, I sounded a little too triumphalist when I said Joseph was having trouble in his marriage. After all, what marriage doesn't have trouble? They may solve them and keep living a happy life. I have not seen him online this whole week, which has been therapeutic for me. I wonder if he blocked me/deleted me. It's exactly what I wanted to avoid by staying in touch with him, but in the end, I guess it's for the best. This distance was what I needed, as painful as it was in the beggining.

Today I had lunch with a high school teacher/friend and after telling him about my relationship with Joseph, he said he was happy for me; "sounds like you dodged a bullet" (for his lack of preparation to lead an adult life). True, I've felt like shit this year, but also, this has been MY year. Landing a nice, well-paid job, becoming more independent, going out with friends, growing as a psychologist. If only I won the scholarship. No word on that yet, and I'm starting to fear the worst.

Yesterday it was Art's birthday and I left him a poem and a message on his FB wall. He said thanks for the poem and for the good wishes. I didn't even expect he'd reply, anyway. I saw pictures he uploaded from his birthday, and he had tagged the girl he's, um, complicated with. Actually, he tagged a bracelet he was wearing, "[name of girl] from the distance". I was revolted. I suspected it. I feared it from the very moment I saw their relationship status (I feel silly giving these online things so much importance). You don't joke with these things, man. As the Greenday song goes, every joke can have its truth and now the joke's on you / I never knew you were such a funny guy. It's helped me, not talking to him, keeping my distance.

Speaking of bands, since january I've been on a White Stripes kick. I bought a red shirt recently, I didn't have anything red. So I'm a little White Stripe-y now, wearing red and black. I'm dressed up, ready to go to the movies. In spite of the blows I've received this year, life is so fucking good, man.

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