Monday, 06/15/09 - 8:55 pm.
Well...today I thought a lot about the things that were stirred yesterday. I felt bad during the morning, but in the afternoon I got busier and my mood improved. Indeed, it works that I forget about Joseph; when I think about him again, I give less importance to my issues related to him.
But I kept thinking of communicating with him again. Two things stop me, though: the fact that this insistence comes from my abstinence syndrome and the stupid empathy: How would I feel, as a wife, if my husband kept talking to his most recent exgirlfriend, whose relationship with him lasted four years more than my own with him?. And anyway, he wouldn't speak to me if I unblocked him. Ok...truth to be told, I think he would.
But anyway, this insistence dissapeared when I logged in tonight and saw him online, after over a week. He's wishing a happy birthday to his wife through his nickname. No, man. I still can't assimilate this. Hard to think it's been more than half a year by now.
On the other hand, I'm more able to look at Art's comments to the girl he's complicated with, and viceversa, and now I just laugh. It's a cynical laugh, but at least I'm smiling. Compared to Joseph, it's not much. It hurts less now, but I'm still quite content not talking to him.
Damn, I want to go out and have fun. Like, RIGHT NOW! I'm making plans with several people and at least that gives me something to look forward to. Tonight I've been talking to many friends, so I'm in a nice mood.
Did I mention the skinhead that asked me out? I must have. He wrote me an e-mail for Holy Week asking me what I planned on doing during the vacation. I didn't answer because I didn't have plans (Re: "nothing, really"). He wrote me again about a week ago, asking me out to go for coffee.
This is the guy that came to the office a couple of times to open our bank accounts. Then I saw him at the place I go to concerts to (going this friday, yay!) and it was a little Fightclub-esque. I saw him dressed up for work and then I saw him in a mosh pit. He's not attractive, really, and I'm afraid right now I'm into looks.
So, he asks me to go for coffee last friday. I write him back saying I can't on fridays, but any other day is fine, especially on weekends. He writes back, "I'm glad you wrote back, I want to get to know you better". I'm like, WHAT THE HELL, MAN? Way to break our line of conversation. If I tell you the days in which I'm available, isn't it logical that you reply proposing an actual day to meet up? I don't care about your emotive processes, be especfic. So then I didn't reply again. The driver and the Finance Manager at work know he's into me (because they go to the bank often to run some errands), but they already told him he has no chance, because he doesn't like to read.
I, on the other hand, I'm currently reading "The Lucifer Effect" by Philip Zimbardo (holyshitIlovehim), and four other books. I'm picking up this habit again. I think people at work consider me a nerd.
But anyway...I would like to have someone. Very much. I'm starting to crave contact. Not that I'm unhappy being single. Plus, I'd hate to give up hanging out with CR the way we do. But yeah...being taken has its advantages, also. Unfortunately, as I've said before, I can't settle for anything less than peculiar, and if the boy I'm hoping for exists, he certainly is from out of this world.
prev / next