Tuesday, 06/16/09 - 8:54 pm.
How do you get over this? How do you fight it? How does it go away? I see Joseph write I miss you, my Carmen and I get sick to my stomach. I feel like crap. I remember they're made for each other and will be together until death does them apart. I remember I let him down. I remember I'm not important in his life anymore, no matter the supposed evidence to think otherwise. I want to throw up.
I'm trying to live my life away from this, and aside from these moments of weakness, it works. I'm becoming friends with Carolyn, the volunteer that has come to my workplace for three months, and it's highly likely that she'll come to the concert with me on friday night. She's nice, she's from Arizona, and she's a globetrotter, as far as I can see. And then, I just try to fill my agenda for the weekend, and talk to friends every night. It works.
But sometimes my stomach is in knots, like right now. I have two guys blocked on my contact list, and both have messages for the girls they got involved with while they still were with me. It's not so much as cheating as it's overlapping. But it still kills me, if I let it. Sometimes I'm caught off guard and so it seems I let it.