Rewarding myself to get through the week.
Sunday, 06/21/09 - 8:33 pm.

Well, it was a good weekend, after all. I spent a lot of money, but all within budget. After reflecting on how unhappy I seem to be feeling about my job lately, I remember Phil Zimbardo's words: "reward yourself". And the things I've done this weekend remind me that I must not say "I'm not married to this chickenshit job". At least not out loud. This money is making my savings grow and is funding my fun.

Yesterday afternoon I went to see 17 again by myself. Going to the movies alone has become one of my favorite hobbies. I bought a capuccino and enjoyed the movie. Then I went to buy a pair of shoes to replace a pair that was falling apart, and a birthday present for my sister. It feels good, having all the time in the world.

This morning I helped two girls from my university with their thesis. I did it gladly, because I got a lot of help on mine when I was working on it. I warned them I wasn't very good at the statistical aspect, but luckily I had a few documents to support me and I remembered. At least they left with a sense of relief, knowing what to do next.

After that, I had lunch with Victoria and Michelle. My stomach turned when Victoria told me she knew Joseph's wife. She used to be her neighbor. Her parents still are my neighbors, but they're religious fanatics [...] she is a devil. Twice she refered to her as such. And when I asked Victoria if Mrs Smith was nice, she replied again that she was a devil and described her as cheeky. That made me hopeful, but then I said, all the more reason for her to be Joseph's perfect match. I know I'm not, but I still can't handle the fact that somebody else is.

I had to cut short the little get-together with Michelle and Victoria because I had to meet up with my friend Victor and two other kids from our collective blog. We went for coffee and we stayed there for four hours. It was hilarious. They're awesome people, really funny.

And now I'm home, hoping to get to bed early and prepare myself for the week. At least tomorrow I'll meet up with other friends I met on the Internet (but by now I've met IRL) after work. I must keep up with my social life, that's what keeps me sane.

Now that I'm recovering from being dumped by Joseph and from the Art fiasco, I'm beggining to think of finding somebody else. And after over four years of not worrying about it, because I had it covered with Joseph, I'm beggining to worry I won't find anyone. I'm scared I'll end up with a boring, average guy. Then I tell myself that won't be the case, because with Joseph I've set the bar high. But I also fear that no one will fill in his shoes.

Today when I was having lunch with Victoria and Michelle, on some food court, I noticed a pretty guy. He was eating alone. At least from afar, he reminded me of Johnny Depp. He had a pony tail. I'd look at him every once in a while and I'd feel hopeful, wishful. That's a guy I could go for. Then he was gone. Of course.

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