Thursday, 06/25/09 - 8:45 pm.
I've been neck deep in work. In a bad way. We're working on our Action Plan and every afternoon there's a lot of tension and arguing. My two bosses are just making shit up as we go, with no real basis, so we're confused as to what path we should follow. And then they don't agree with what you do. I was working with the Social Worker, and I could see by the end of her presentation that she was mad, hurt, maybe even humilliated.
My bosses aren't good listeners and everything has to be from their point of view. The SW and the Finance Manager are very upset by their attitudes, and while I don't dislike anybody personally, I'm on their side. I've even spoken up a few times and I worry my bosses may find it disrespectful. No offense meant, I just speak the truth. No, it's not clear at all. Yes, that thing you're denying you said is exactly what you told me to do. Etc.
To make matters worse, our budget from Washington is alarmingly low and we're out of other donors. Since most expenses fall under the category "salary", some heads are gonna roll. There are options as to who should leave; in fact, I'm one of them. I think I'm not a top option, but the possibility lingers. I could go away or work part-time. Or stay where I am. I don't know.
Hey, since we're talking about adulthood worries, my expenses are also increasing. Going out with friends is pretty harmless and within budget, but paying $60 a month to rent the clinic is a kick in the nuts for me. I suppose it's much of a hassle right now because I have to pay double, for the deposit, AND buy a used desk. W will pay me back half of it, though.
With such uncertainty, I've kept my mind busy, with no time to think about human relations. I thought about Joseph once today, but for a couple of minutes. I've stopped wishing to find someone right now, because my priorities are surviving these weeks at work, be austere, and settle down at our new clinic. And find more scholarship opportunities, for the love of God.
With all this stress, no wonder my period is late. I've been pretty regular since Joseph broke up with me, you know? I guess he'd take this as yet another reason for breaking up with me. Boo-hoo, you're more regular without me. No, man, I'm just abstinent.
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