Monday, 07/06/09 - 9:08 pm.
I went to bed early last night. I was just resting my head on the pillow (so good) when I got a text message. The Ninja Turtles tune scared me. Who could it be, I asked myself, as if I had the answer. I open my phone and the number is unfamiliar...not just that, the area code is international. "Art?".
I really miss talking to you.
And right then I felt a band-aid on my heart. I didn't say this yesterday, because it did deserve an entry by itself: I'd been thinking about him. Art, my friend. Because most of the guys that attended our Class of 2002 meeting on saturday were his friends. This is a close-knit gang with an incredible love for one another, so they're always talking about each other, to make fun of them, mostly. So they brought him up in our conversations once in a while.
I'd been thinking, if he comes in august and there's a meeting (and there will be): would I go? I said "no". I don't want to see him, I don't want to talk to him...I mean, I do, in the sense that we always had something awesome to talk about; but I don't, in the sense that it was precisely him who hurt me and didn't think it was valid that I felt hurt.
Time has not passed in vain and my hurt over what he did has diminished. But it still upsets me. I know the "joke" that he and this girl (that I saw at the prom meeting and seems very fond of me) have it's just a joke indeed. But my problem is not that. I'm hurt that he did with her the same thing he was doing with me. I felt like a joke.
Getting that message was completely unexpected. I figured he'd notice that I went silent and get upset back at me for getting mad. Like, "if you want to get mad over a joke, be my guest". The message, on the other hand, was...I don't know, it made me feel appreciated. "I really miss talking to you". I suppose he got nostalgic by seeing all the pictures I uploaded from saturday night. We exchanged a couple of funny words over FB comments. I never went as far as deleting him from my contacts, except on the phone.
I replied: Me too. I'll be back soon.
He said he'd wait, same channel, same time.
And right now I'm thinking about going online and talk to him, but wouldn't it make me look desperate? Like, yeah, I was hiding on purpose because the moment you called me I showed up. Plus, I do fear that he'll bring up the "joke" and once again I'll fail to get my point accross...and I also fear he won't bring it up, simply because it indeed was not a big deal to him.
I think I'll end up talking to him tonight. If anything, I just unblocked him. Because as a friend, I miss him. I don't know how to be friends with Joseph*, because we went straight to dating, after two weeks of intense drooling over each other. I know how to be friends with Art.
I'm just not sure how much real healing this band-aid brings, I guess. But [I'm talking to him now, about fun stuff] it's kinda neat talking to him again.