This guy is making me lose my cool.
Thursday, 07/30/09 - 10:04 pm.

Last night, I gave it a lot of thought. I'd been drafting that text message in my head for three days. Three days, man! A text message! To Al. I was plotting how to schedule another meeting. An excuse, a proposal, anything!

The worst part is that I seem to tell how much I like him to a new person everyday. Last night I told my friend Anna. I met her online, through her blog; then she won a well known literature contest. Then last year I was called to participate in something about young female writers with her and with the girl that was my first adult patient (awkward!). I wrote about it but I won't look for it. I just remember she didn't know who I was until I told her about our blogs. She said goodbye saying she loved my Simeon cartoons.

A couple of years older than me, we went to the same school, so I must've seen her thousands of times. She's abroad getting her degree but is coming this saturday for a month. We've grown closer because we write in a collective blog nowadays. She's tuesday and I'm saturday. It's eight of us (one's an emergency writer) and we've become good friends, though not all of us have met the rest IRL. My friend Victor is wednesday, by the way.

But anyway!!! Last night she and I were talking about boy issues. So I told her about Al and she was very encouraging, helping me draft the text message. In the end, I sent him this:

I'm free this weekend, if you want to get your ass kicked in Starfox.

Am I sexy or what? It's kinda lame, though, because I'm bluffing. I'm not that good at handling the arwing in battle mode.

I lost my breath when the phone started to ring, just seconds later after I'd sent the message. It was him, of course. It was so fast that I didn't have the time to think, "oh, he's calling to say he'll be busy this weekend". I picked up the phone and after a brief conversation, we agreed on playing this sunday. He said after lunch, but he'll call me when it's the right time for me to go to his house.

Now, I'm expecting he'll blow me off at the last minute, like it's his fashion. But I cherish every little thing that happens between him and me. Like, when he called me last friday to go to the wasn't a date, but I still get schoolgirl-excited when I remember his phone call to invite me.

I asked my friend Angel if, by everything I've said about him, one may think he's romantically interested in me, or he only considers me a friend. He said, of course, that he doesn't know him but I should just keep being myself and charm him with my smile, etc.

After looking at my behavior regarding him, how I seem to talk about him with almost every friend I get in touch with, I believe I should back off. I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for dissapointment with him; he sees me as a friend. He's acting the way I acted with CR: of course I enjoy hanging out with you, I just don't like you that way. Ah, karma. Screw you.

And even worse is the fact that I'm losing my cool. When it comes to liking someone, one must keep his or her cool, and I haven't done that. This guy makes me lose my cool. I must not allow that anymore. I'll go to his house, if he doesn't stand me up like he does on occassion, and I'll have a good time, with him, his brother and whoever else he invites. The end.

On an unrelated note, I spoke to my friend Dany last night. I talked about him in this diary circa 2001-2002, when we were in high school and we considered ourselves twins. It was so great catching up with him. We'll have lunch on august 15th at 1 pm (he was very specific, haha) and we'll probably meet this saturday to go to the park with my friend Mo and her baby Val. I can't wait. I love seeing my friends. This year has been great to me in terms of social networking. And I mean in real life (even though the Internet has been crucial for me to contact people).

So, tomorrow's my last day of work before the week-long vacation starts. Sunday seems so far away and Nena seems to be doing nice so far, no sign of illness yet. I'll get to bed now, hoping to get over with tomorrow as soon as possible (ugh, I have an event in the morning, it's going to be crazy; but I'm not paying much attention to it).

Also, Angel pointed out that Evil Lighthouse sounds better than Al (Evil Lighthouse is a very odd wordplay from CR of Al's last name). So, from now on, Evil Lighthouse it is.

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