An awesome phone and my lonely self.
Monday, 08/03/09 - 8:32 pm.

This morning I went to the mall, to buy a cell phone and hopefully find a new pen for my PC Tablet (it fell and broke and I'm in anguish because I can't update Simeon's site). I asked my mom if she wanted to come along. She hesitated, because my parents are very traditional and she tends to stay home and not go out unless it's with my dad.

I showered and changed. When I got out of my room, I found she had changed, too: she had put on a green blouse and black pants that matched her black purse. She did want to go out. I know she'd be more outgoing if my dad wasn't such a drag (i.e. she doesn't dance because my dad can't/hates it) and enjoyed life once in a while. So off we went.

I bought the cellphone, I failed at finding the pen, I bought us ice cream and looked around. We stopped by a pet store, or rather fish store, and she stared. I suppose they reminded her of Brother #2, who loves fish. Then she talked briefly to a large fish, which was weird and awesome.

My new cellphone rules. I didn't want it at first, because it cost double than what I was willing to pay. But I only needed the device, as I had the SIM card intact, and the new phones with the basics come sealed. I should have looked other options, but I couldn't be bothered with it. This cellphone is a little silly...why would I want it to identify a song? That's its superpower. It IDs songs that are played into its mic. What. The. Hell.

On the bright side, it matches my deep liking for the White Stripes, as its white, red and black. And it has 1 GB for music and speakers, so from time to time my MP3 player will stay safely at home.

In the afternoon, I watched a movie that my sister had strongly reccomended, with good reason. My parents joined me and we had ice cream again.

That's all I've done today. I was hoping to go out with Vic but he never said anything. I felt so lonely because I have indeed expanded my social network, but I couldn't find anyone in all my contact lists that I felt I was important enough for. No one to call, no one to hang out with. I spent most of the day on the floor, toying with the phone and the laptop, because the day has been miserably hot and the tile is always cold.

Tomorrow I am going out for coffee with my friend Victor and the two girls from my university; that'll be nice. And on thursday, there's a family trip to a mountain. Nephew #2 is going, and my aunt and perhaps cousin Mario and his brother. They're a riot. I'm so looking forward to this trip.

I thought of calling CR today but my pride said no. He hasn't called either. Same goes for Evil Lighthouse; not that I expected anything from him, after he stood me up yesterday. But this morning I was looking around stuff with my mom and a woman was calling his baby by Evil Lighthouse's name, and then I found a bunch of cute candels in the shape of lighthouses. Yeah, yeah, there's a Greater Power that enjoys rubbing my romantic fails in my face. It happened often with Joseph.

Speaking of Joseph, I discovered someone uploaded a video of him to FB. I hesitated and felt a little frightened, but I gave in. It was pretty harmless to my feelings, it was actually kinda funny. In all Joseph fashion, he was mopping the floor. And his friends were laughing and he had a terrible, terrible haircut and that was it.

By now I think I've come to terms with the fact that I lost him. I still get very weak, I said his name a couple of nights ago to a friend, and I realized I had not thought about him for a while; and suddenly I missed him. I could cry if I let the thoughts of how I failed at keeping him by my side, or the things he did (i.e. overlapping me with his now wife after the things he assured me for over four years) run in my head for more than a couple of seconds. He was a very important force in my life, even though I could never show it to him, and a part of me will always be in love with him.

So, yeah, I still get weak from time to time (I'm starting to get a little tearful as I write this)...but ever since he broke up with me *cough*on my graduation day*cough* I've built my life in a way that allows me to say that I'm better off without him.

Unfortunately, I fear I'll be one of those successful women that have a hard time finding a partner; is it a law, or something? If people consider you smart you end up alone? I told W that I wanted to get my degree in Costa Rica and the very first thing he said, he who is so academically driven: "you'll find your husband there". I laughed out loud. Who would want me? Everybody I know is kind to tell me that I'm smart and funny and good-looking and whatever, but I still can't nail anyone I like.

Ugh, I was writing today to talk about my White Stripes phone and I ended up throwing a pity party. I feel lonely, I guess. This is vacation week and I want to go out with people other than my family, but I don't have the kind of friends that consider me "top friend"...those that are like boyfriends/girlfriends to you because it's a given you'll hang out. I have very good friends, of course, but during the holidays, they're off with their best friends. Some things never change, I suppose.

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