Saturday, 08/29/09 - 9:45 pm.
I'm a bit excited right now because I finally got a reply from a university in Costa Rica and from an institution that provides scholarships. It's general information in both cases, but it's nice to hear something back. I'd sent the e-mails about a month ago, and I'd given up on them.
Today I followed the same pattern as last saturday. Stopped by Subway and headed to my clinic, having my three patients scheduled for today. But now I was carrying my laptop, just in case. 10 am rolls around and I text the first patient asking him if he was going to show up. He never replied...rats, the one who pays. Later, one calls me and the other textes me, they can't make it. I was at the clinic for only an hour and a half. I organized my music and worked a liiiittle on this book I'm writing. I spent unnecesarily on one subway plus awesome cookies and gas. I gave the cookies to an old man in the street and figured that I can't make a living out of my clinic only, so I have to keep my 8 to 5 job.
When I came home at noon, I thought about calling someone to go to the movies with. Then I decided I'd go on my own and maybe shop a little. I saw "my sister's keeper", which blew me away. As usual, I had my 2.10 cappuccino and paid 2.75 for my ticket. Afterwards I bought three shirts and felt a little guilty because I'm supposed to save for my plane ticket to Houston in december. But I said, hey, who works her ass off to earn this money? I can reward myself from time to time. And the reason why my bank account from work seems to stay static (although with that sum I can already afford my plane ticket) is because every 15 days I remove 40% of my biweekly salary and put it into the "my whole life's savings" account in another bank...I know that's a luxury, not many people are in condition to save; I don't have debts and my parents still feed me and provide me with a roof. I believe my life savings isn't a lot for someone who is 24, but for someone who didn't have a real job until she was 24, it's quite respectable, and that's where my previous trips to Houston have come from. But I digress.
It was cool spending time with myself. I put on my headphones, walked around the mall, saw the movie, went shopping and in general it was like I had all the time in the world. And I did.
The movie made me cry several times. sometimes it was the story, sometimes it made me think about Joseph, and often just by a silly free association. I know most people wouldn't agree with me, but I'm reaching this point of resignation about never finding anyone who will care for me like Joseph did. And speaking of Joseph, today my clinic smelled like him. He had this cologne that smelled so good; and my clinic smelled the same way. It made me think of his bedroom, of his body. I got nostalgic, but not that sad. At the mall I was wishing for him to be around and see me, although I know I'd cry rivers the moment I ran into him. I want to be in peace with his memory, though, and at least these days after a week of breakdowns, I am.
Tomorrow I may go out with CR, if his phone is working. I finally got a hold of him last night, and he explained the problem with his phone. I'm looking forward to it, I miss going out with him and Lighthouse on sunday afternoons. I'm over Lighthouse, by the way. This thing of not being appreciated and being stood up every week has finally paid off.