Friday, 09/04/09 - 7:06 pm.
So after a few days obssesing over Joe, I'm over him. Yeah, I'm like that. I haven't spoken to him since what I mentioned in my last entry, and I missed his concert last night. We were online at the same time in the evening, but he didn't talk to me and I noticed myself stressing about it, and I just figured, I should let this go. Part of me still has a funny feeling about him but it's clear he's moved on and our time, if there was ever one, has passed.
But I insist, there's a funny feeling that remains. And you know I once said I wanted a Jack White? Yeah, well...he ressembles him, a bit, in terms of musicianship, wittiness and cuteness. He even has three or four bands, like Jack White does, haha. Anyway, I thought about asking him to go to the movies with me this weekend. Why not?, I said, I ask my male friends all the time to go out with me, without evil intentions. But perhaps it's because of my strange feelings about him that I feel so scared. We're not "friends", technically, so I'm not very confident in asking him out as if he was my friend. Feels like I'm see-through and he'll notice. Or he may think I'm asking him out on a date and that'd be even worse if he has a girlfriend (I don't know if he does).
In the end, I decided to tell him, if given the chance, that I'm going to the movies and he's free to come along if he wants. I'm going on sunday, anyway. And whatever he says, it's fine. I'd also thought about taking him to Lighthouse's house, to link them for that music project of his. But then I thought, I'm pursuing these two guys too much. I've stopped insisting with Lighthouse and by the look of things, insisting with Joe won't be very fruitful either.
You know what's funny? There are guys who are actually interested in me. I can think of at least four boys that would take the next step if I left the door open to the slightlest opportunity. But I don't. I leave it as strictly platonic; I like those guys, but not as boyfriends nor boytoys. I don't play with people. It's awesome and frustrating that these boys like me. Awesome, because I am capable of attracting nice guys, but frustrating because it's never one I can reciprocate with. The ones I like, seriously like, bordering on love, don't like me back.
Speaking of this category of guys, I'd sent Lighthouse a text message on tuesday, telling him Joe was playing on thursday; I'm still trying to make for them to meet each other and see if they can make some music together. I never heard back from him. I really thought it was for the best, though, because then I didn't feel like going and I'd have passed. But I was a little upset too, for not hearing back from him, not even a "sorry, can't make it".
This morning past 8, I get a message. "What's up? I got a new job and I haven't been able to go out much. How are you?". Lighthouse. I silently freaked out. Wait, what? He's texting ME, to ask me how I am? Could it be that he didn't get my message on tuesday (which would SUCK)? Did he really send that to me or was it just a mistake and it was meant for someone else? Because...I mean...he normally doesn't get in touch with me to ask how I am. I don't know. I think too much, I know. I replied giving him a warm welcome back to the proletariat and saying we can hang out when he has time. And I never heard back, so I'm wondering if he's getting my messages.
I feel stuck. And sickeningly neurotic, thinking way, way too much about two guys I have a crush on and who don't have a crush back on me. Could be much worse, though. They both could have a crush on me and I'd have to choose. Nothingness is ok sometimes.
I feel even more stuck because I have to work tomorrow, in order to have a day off on monday the 14th, which will be followed by a National Day Off (heh) to celebrate our Independence Day. So tomorrow instead of going to the clinic to see my patients and having a free afternoon, I'll be at work. It's a little frustrating, even though it'll pay off in a week or so.
In an hour I'll go to my friend Victor's birthday party. He's very awesome, so I can't miss it, even though I have to work tomorrow. It's in a bar near my house, so I'll go for a couple of hours.
Also, Angie was getting married today. Was, as in, she must be married by now. I feel like crying, I'm scared for her. It happened so fast and I feel like I've lost her, in a way. But now I can only hope she'll be truly happy. I love her, and that's what I want for her.
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