Psychology celebrations and boy troubles.
Saturday, 10/10/09 - 3:07 pm.

I was not aware that you could squeeze that much fun in one single afternoon/night. I came home past 11:30 pm last night, feeling like I'd had a lifetime of fun.

I had a good start: I got off from work at 2. Being out in the sunlight has become a rare experience for me. I drove to my university to attend the Psychology Festival at 5 o'clock. I was thrilled to go back to campus, after 10 months...but I didn't see a lot of people at first, and thruthfully, I felt out of place. Like my time there was gone.

Reflection 1: my time there is gone. The student life is the best one there is and I miss it. Now I see young faces and I only know a few; only a few know me. The only way to fit in this life again would be to become a professor...of course I plan on keep on studying, but I mean, fit in my university. Mr PhD is abroad (how strange) but I will try to meet with him next week. I have to try this.

(Also, I got a little nostalgic walking through those halls...places I walked by everyday, for years, with Joseph. But it wasn't very hard and the sense of reality prevailed: "this is now and things are different. Plus, I built other awesome memories here that have nothing to do with him". I didn't feel sad for long).

I found Starfox Guy, who was the master mind of this year's Festival. And eventually I saw other people, students I hold close to my heart. I still know the 5th, 4th, maybe 3rd year students. Most of them. But like I say, new faces are appearing.

About the Festival: it's always a source of amusement to me where us psychology students come up with so much hilarious crap. Three hours of laughter it's hard to accomplish...but among commercials, plays, music, videos, recognition to professors (even Brother #3 and his wife, who taught this generation, and W, who received a standing ovation)...and dancing! Starfox Guy and other boys danced. It was so incredibly hot, the Apraxic Dancers. Quite a fucking sensation. At the end of the number, Starfox Guy dedicated it to his girlfriend. It was heartwarming; I couldn't help but feel, proudly, that I had something to do with it. I saw his girlfriend...she's extremely cute, they look great together.

Reflection 2: After the Festival, I realized I have a crush on Starfox Guy. He's just so talented, man. He was the star of the show. But, you know, after it ended, when the audience left, he left his friends, jumped off stage and ran to me to hug me and thank me. I felt I was very important to him and I really think I am. And that's enough. He's such a wonderful friend and person in general. I have to thank Simeon for bringing him into my life.

After the Festival, I went to a caf´┐Ż bar near the university to see Joe play. It was jazz but they had a singer, she blew me away with her voice and her stage persona, even though she was sitting on a stool the whole time. She's very poweful, belting out those Sinatra tunes.

A guy came up to my table and I didn't recognize him at first. Then I realized, it's Skeleton Guy. I'm gonna lose all humility here and say that the first time we met, he was looking at me in a certain way. I thought it was the usual male reflex of checking me out, but it was also like...like he was intrigued by me.

I didn't think he'd come to the gig. Through CR I've met a few guys but just to never see them again (Lighthouse being a handsome exception). When I met Skeleton Guy on tuesday, I thought, if he does show up on friday, he's interested in me. And there he was. He ordered coffee, he asked me about my life, thanked me for the invitation because he was enjoying the music and then left. He had something to do but took the time to honor my invitation.

I may have made the mistake of giving him my phone number. I think it's a mistake because I just did it with a friendly intention: to let him know when Joe will play again. I'm not romantically interested in him, although I'm aware he's very cool and would be a great addition to my collection of boy friends.

Reflection 3: I've been thinking, looks play an important role in my attraction to someone, more than I'm willing to admit. And I blame it, partially, on having had Joseph. He stood out in a crowd, and not just because he always wore black. It was the kind of clothes, he always looked like he was ready to go to war. Aside from his facial features, which I adored. One of the things that made me get over Joseph was imagining him in more regular clothes, and I'm hoping he's bound to dress boringly one day; that killed part of the mystique I had placed on him. I feel like such a bitch for thinking like this. But it's not like that entirely. When I say look, I don't just mean body or face. I mean style. The guy should have some style, mentally and (to a lesser degree of importance) physically.

Another reason why I think it was a mistake: he called me a while ago, to see if I had plans for later. I didn't have any, so I said no. And then he texted me saying he hoped I've been having a good day (I am, really; I'm still high from last night's Festival, but I went to the clinic for nothing and lost two hours of my life, because both my patients stood me up and neither cared to call me). I'm flattered but I'm scared, because if this is what I think it is, I can't reciprocate. Regardless, it seems I'll be going out with him later today. The only one happy with this may be my friend Angel, because he told me to date him.

Anyway. Lighthouse and CR arrived to Joe's gig, too. FInally! During Joe's break, I introduced Lighthouse to Joe but the moment wasn't so magical for my hormones as I thought it'd be. Could be that I'm over both guys by now, and I was just glad I was finally able to connect them. Lighthouse handed Joe a CD with his music and we'll see what happens. Then Lighthouse and CR had to take off too, because they had other gig to attend (Lighthouse's brother was playing). Lighthouse said he was impressed with Joe's music and was sorry for leaving me alone. He did ask me to come with them but, in a nutshell, I didn't want to. We agreed on getting together to play Nintendo and for me to teach him to play piano. But no dates were set, so it could be months from now, knowing this guy.

After the gig, Joe asked me when we're going to the movies again. We talked about going on sunday but nothing specific was agreed. Later I heard a man asking Joe to rehearse with them on sunday afternoon, so who knows.

Reflection 4: see what Skeleton Guy is doing? He accepts my invitations and asks me out. Quickly. He doesn't lose time, he doesn't let days go by or leaves me hanging. THAT'S how a guy that's interested in you acts, right? That's exactly what I always hoped to see from Lighthouse or Joe. But of course, people won't act the way you want them to, and I'm not mad about it. I just think it's a shame that it didn't happen with someone I wanted it to happen.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'll have coffee with Starfox Guy, Orlando and Monica (Orlando and Monica played last night; he's a great guitar player and drummer, she has an extraordinary voice). Not just to chat, they want to do some research and want to know if I'm interested in taking part on it. God, yes! I need to produce, to generate, to make something happen. They have the same need. I love these kids.

Say, I still have some adrenaline from last night's show. AND, today's Psychologist Day here, even though only us psychologists care. Whatever, man, psychology is awesome.

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