There must be such thing as a cognitive crush.
Tuesday, 10/13/09 - 7:33 pm.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Mr PhD, the head of the psych departament at my university. Holy shit! I don't know how I'm going to introduce myself. "Hi, mister. Listen, I want to run the psych lab. The guy in charge is a mess [he is, really]". Argh. I'm so nervous, and yet I'm confident, too confident maybe, thinking I'll get what I want. I have no reason to believe I will get what I want. But I want it so much, so I'll hang on and do my best.

JC (formerly known as Starfox Guy) called me yesterday afternoon. Just to say hi, or, in his words, "to help you relieve some work stress". He was at a public school -for one of the subjects he's taking- and I could hear children screaming. It was a very random call. In the morning I'd sent him an e-mail about our research project and he replied with a message that I can only consider a fucking keeper. I was laughing out loud in reception.

At night, we talked again. He said he was just coming in to say hi to me and then he'd go to bed, but we ended up talking for two hours and he even sent me a NES emulator with some games, because he loves Nintendo, and he's amazed that I share such joy.

I can't help but say "I love this guy!". But do I, really? I don't know! I have this craving to talk to him as much as possible, because he is in-sa-ne-ly hilarious. And I know this perception is mutual. He catches me off guard with his comments, and it's so rare to find someone who follows my train of thought like that. Like, instead of saying three words to tell me something, he uses psychology terminology (usually related to biological basis of behavior) to explain it to me in terms of process and procedure. Or remembers something we spoke about and brings it up in a random way.

Maybe it's just an intellectual thing; I do feel it's just cognitive attraction. After all, I helped him to get back together with his girlfriend and he seems happy with the decision. He's just too cool, and, I think, it's valid to be attracted to him this way. I actually have no dark intentions and I would never pull a Mrs Smith, tearing a couple apart. I just enjoy talking to him, so, no crush on him, right, self? Plus, I know I'm very important for him, that's enough; I can tell that he just considers me an awesome friends so we're all safe. I think this weekend we're going to buy used NES games (and I feel a little guilty because with the little free time he has, he should spend it with his girlfriend, although he's one who suggested such recreational activity and she's busy on weekends).

On Lighthouse news, I think he's performing on the 24th, presenting his CD. More details as they develop.

In five days, it'll be the anniversary of Joseph breaking up with me. It's so strange. He seems like a dream now and yet the wound still feels fresh. I love him but I don't need him, and my life is awesome even if he's not in it. However, it'd be nice if he thought of me from time to time and had some empathy for the pain he caused me, but I assume he's very busy with his wife and baby. I assume. I haven't had the experience, but I believe once you're with someone new you truly love, you entirely forget the previous partner.

Ah, well. No time to dwell on this. I have the appointment with Mr PhD tomorrow, and I have two articles to write: one with JC and Monica and two other kids that shall be named in due time, and one with Victor2. Wish me luck!

* EDIT *

I am having a strange night of mixed emotions:

a) Skeleton Guy texted me asking me how my day was. There was exchange of several messages. The interesting string came when he asked me if I was in my PJs...oh, for the love of God!... and I replied not yet, because I was reading about the lateralization of brain function. He replied: "sounds sexy". Oh, for the love of God. Then he asked me to go out tonight and I said no, citing metabolism issues. I think we will on friday. I'm flattered and slightly excited but...

b) ...but, I suppose my mind is somewhere else. JC just called me. We spoke over 18 minutes on the cell phone. I SWEAR they felt like FIVE MINUTES, I swear!!! Then he called me again, amounting to 20 minutes altogether, because he had this "neurotic need to explain everything" and told me not to worry about the cell phone time because he bought this plan and he can have two numbers and pay like $1 for 100 minutes or something. He chose his girlfriend's number and my number. And...I don't know, that's more than I'd bargain for, really, and I'm just happy that he considers me his friend to such extent.

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