The air near my fingers.
Friday, 10/16/09 - 3:50 pm.

Mr PhD cancelled our appointment again yesterday. He had an emergency, somebody he knows was at the hospital. I'd told friends at my university that I'd go, so I went anyway. I saw some people, spent time in the psychology instructors' cubicle. I miss the academic life. I miss learning new things and being around people my age who shares my love for psychology. By the way, when I was leaving campus at night I saw Mr PhD in his office. "I could've gone", I thought, but then I realized, that would be begging and I'm not going to beg for anything, as much as I want it. I shall wait for re-schedule.

At the cubicle I saw JC for a while, and two other guys I'm good friends with who are still in their 3rd and 4th yeard (JC is to start his thesis and graduate next year). We laughed for an hour or so and then I went home, giving a ride to the two guys. I realized how tall JC is when we kissed goodbye and he kissed my temple. We didn't talk much, it was mostly him and the two guys telling jokes of our favorite professor, who is just awesome beyond any verbal expression that Broca's area may elaborate*. After we said goodbye, I thought, hey, maybe my perceived chemistry with him is wearing out.

[* I've been doing research for my article with Victor2 about the conception of the human brain through history...I am learning and remembering so much].

But not quite. When I was at home, he called me to my cell phone and we talked for 34 minutes. Among other topics, he told he'd talked to Monica and they'd come to the conclusion that we need to get away soon. So I'll see if my uncle lets me borrow his ranch at the beach the weekend after this one. It'd be awesome; we'll take hot dogs and gerber, because JC never had gerber as a baby. Also, Monica, JC, two other boys and me are getting together on the weekend, to schedule the research we want to conduct. And JC and I want to go Nintendo-game shopping at the flea market (yesterday he was wearing a "Contra" t-shirt; he also has a brown Mario 3 hoodie with ears on the hood, a messenger bag that ressembles a NES control and an actual NES control hanging from the ceiling above his desk at the instructors' cubicle).

And after those 34 minutes, we talked for about two hours online. And I feel bad because he has a girlfriend, you know? And no way I'll pull a Mrs Smith on her. I find comfort in the fact that although I'm attracted to him, my heart doesn't beat faster or anything. I don't think I have the biological reactions you're supposed to have with a crush, although I felt a little inhibited yesterday while I was around him. Like any interaction I could have with him may give something away. That, my friends, I believe is called guilt.

This morning I found a missed call from him. He'd called at 5:10 am. I found it strange and I texted him to let him know I was awake by then. He didn't call back until noon, and the thing is, he was at the hospital all night...or morning, really, since it happened at midnight. His dad is in a very delicate situation, regarding three of his vital organs. He's stable now, but it seems he could pass away at any time given his condition, and these hospital rushes have become common for JC . When he tried to explain why he was calling me, he said this was very hard for him but he's trying to ask for help, something he isn't very good at (he'd tell me that when he worked things out with his girlfriend). So he called me to tell me. I didn't hear the phone at 5 am because he hung up quickly. All in all, I thought that was very kind of him, keeping me in mind for these emergencies.

It'd be great if we could go to the beach next weekend. Lighthouse is performing for the first time in years next weekend but I'm not too inclined to go. There's a little bit of a Halloween theme going on, and while dressing up is optional, I don't want to get there dressed normally and find that everyone is dressed up. Then, I'm not very much into the kind of music that the bands/DJs will be playing. I've never heard industrial, which is what Lighthouse is playing, and I'd love to see him. But meh. There'll be plenty of his friends there to support him and I don't think he considers me a close friend. Considering all the times he's stood me up, I suppose I can do the same just once.

Simply put: going to the beach with friends (that love psychology, are my colleagues-to-be, research partners, crack me up and are naturally high) seems much more appealing to me than standing around in a crowded gothic bar full of dressed-up strangers, listening to industrial and electronic music.

Damn, it's time to go! I have drum lessons in 30 minutes. I've been working on the long quarterly report and booking my boss' flight to South America. He's a good man, but here's a note to you if you ever have an assistant: if you are very picky about how your flight should be, book it yourself.

I'm in a hurry so the short description of my entry is just random, brough to you by The White Stripes.

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