That's a lof of doodling to say I're very nice.
Friday, 11/13/09 - 10:09 am.

Hello from work! Things are very slow and the bosses are out, so I get to catch up. It's been a while, eh? I've been putting it off, waiting to have a significant amount of things to tell. I've spent the days of this week feeling frustrated about my job and working on a scholarship application to Spain that looks promising. And the nights, I spend them talking online or over the phone to JC. Some other nights, like last night, I get lucky and I get to see him face to face.

He broke up with his girlfriend on monday. He was feeling bad for her but also relieved. I admit it: to know that he is single is a huge weight off my back. It's a matter of time for his social network to readjust.

The schedule of my drum lessons has changed and so I have to go twice a week, one hour per class. Given that JC lives like three minutes away by car (plus traffic) I cannot whine about having to drive to this town more often. In fact, I went to his house on wednesday night. I hadn't seen him since sunday and that bothered me. Wednesday was so freaking long and frustrating, trouble after trouble, and 6:30 never seemed to roll around.

He looked strange when I got to his house. His now ex-girlfriend had written him a letter and she was being a little rough on him. Some things were very accurate, though. I sat on the edge of his bed and he laid next to me and we talked about it. He took it nicely, with his share of responsability but also knowing she had her own faults in the relationship. I could relate to many things, given my situation with Joseph; it's neat being able to talk about those things and see that what I went through is very common and normal. After our talk, he was more calm. He gave me some kind of letter he'd made for me and I gave him a drawing I'd made for him. That cheered him up, too.

By the way, that same afternoon (wednesday) he'd been at the university radio station, because he won second place in the casting he attended last saturday. He threw a lot of in-jokes for me on air and stuff. But there was a lot of people so he didn't talk much.

We watched a couple of episodes of the random anime he loves (and I've come to love) and we walked to the grocery store. The sky looked great, the weather was great. Then I had to leave, and when he walked me to my car...well, we kept talking. And then we hugged goodbye. But something else came up and we kept talking. Then awkward moment of silence. New topic. Awkward moment of silence. About four goodbyes later, I left.

I was a little dissapointed and even wondered if he liked me that much. But come on. All evidence points to the contrary, and for me, the Queen of Romantic Negativity and Failure, to say that means a lot. Then I asked myself to calm the fuck down. He's going through a break-up and actually, I LOVE the kind of relationship we have right now. We lay on his bed and talk and watch cartoons, we go for walks, we have a long to-do list about places to visit (road trip!), things to eat, Nintendo games to's wonderful. It's fun. It's loaded with sexual tension, at least for me, but I can handle it.

Last night, I attended a conference on Psychology of Liberation at my university. But first I went to drop off a letter requesting my university to give me another letter to apply for the spanish scholarship. I'm kind of confident on this one, although it's ok if I don't get it. Anyway, I got to the auditorium and I was greeted by students who love me (ego boost). They told me they are rebelling against the head of the psych departament and I can only watch from afar and wish them success. I sat in the 4th row, in front of Brother #3, who is a social psychologist and of course had to attend. And I soaked into the conference. This just gives meaning to my life, man.

[I just realized that the one above is a poorly written paragraph; I couldn't sum it up in one idea because I'd leave another out]

You see, I've been trying to take my job with a grain of salt. I'm unhappy being a secretary when in reality I'm a psychologist, but complaining won't help. I do not leave my goals out of sight: getting a scholarship, finding a new job that relates to my career, making out with JC *cough*. But attending conferences and being around the students, writing, reading...these things keep my feet on the ground. Or rather, keep me flying. Grounded is what I am, I'm tied down. But not for long, and it's not as badly as it seems. Next year, for example, given my Foundation is going down thanks to the crisis, I will work part time. Less money, yes, but I get to dedicate more time my clinic and to my Simeon strips and to make out with JC *cough*.

Brother #3 left before the conference ended. But seconds after he got up, JC, Monica, Orlando and other guy came to sit with me. JC had sent me a text earlier, telling me to turn around, and there they were. Gustavo was around too, so the five Prefrontals were together and we decided to go to dinner, to celebrate Gus' birthday, which is today.

As it turns out, JC didn't have his car last night, so I got to give him a ride home (we were six people and two cars; I took Monica too, but I dropped her off at her coffeehouse). I'd made him a little drawing of Simeon blowing bubbles, something I'd love to be doing with this weather, instead of being stuck in reception. Also, I wrote "hey, bye!" on the palm of my hand and then put it in the copy machine. His reaction when he saw the papers were priceless. He especially loved the photocopy of my hand.

He gave me something he wrote for me while his students (he's an instructor) filled out a quiz. He takes old stickers of soccer players and adds dialogue on funny/random things we've previously talked about. At some point, it felt like a love letter in disguise. As usual, our goodbye lasted about 20 minutes. I, of course, wanted to kiss him. Come on; I'd parked the car, we were alone in it, it was dark. We've been like this a lot of times by now, but something always tell me he's not going to do it. And I refuse to take the first step. So I just enjoy the moment and the fact that I have his full attention.

Just a FYI: his ex-girlfriend sat two rows in front of me. I looked at her and I felt sorry because I know she's in pain. She's very cute, she looks like a little girl. She walked past me a couple of times and guilt made me want to shrink. Although this guilt doesn't make sense. She doesn't know who I am and I didn't get in the way of her relationship with JC. I wasn't even near him when she was at the conference. I don't know her, but out of respect and solidarity (because I've been there), if anything should happen between him and I, I'd keep it quiet, at least for a while.

Oh, well. Finally, it's friday. I don't think I'll see JC today because I need some spare time to dedicate to some things and I neeeeed to sleep eight hours for once this month. I know I won't during the weekend because it's the wake for the 20th anniversary of the murder of jesuits in my university, and JC wants to attend. Being the sucker I am, I'll go. Lately I have the habit of doing everything with him.

Aw, he called me to work a couple of hours ago, when he had just woken up. How he is able to talk to me for 17 minutes on his cell phone on just one dollar is everybody's guess.

prev / next