A fun weekend that ends with heartbreak and hope.
Sunday, 11/15/09 - 11:35 pm.

The way I see it, it's not time for us to commit. The way I think he sees it, and the way I see it, it's best to remain friends for now. I think he's being cautious, he's giving himself time to heal. The fact that he hasn't jumped on me right after breaking up with her tells me he's a smart guy. He needs time to sort things out with her before moving on. I respect and admire that. And I can handle it.

Once again, I dedicated most of my weekend to him. Last night we attended the wake of the martyrs in our university. I got there at 6 and he was there, but he had a meeting with his community so we met again at about 11 pm. It was the first time he attended this event and he was fascinated with the activities he took part in before he left. After 11, when we met, we didn't pay attention to them and instead we just sat under a tree and talked until 12:30 am, when he took me home. And by the way, I love how he takes pride in the fact that he gives me rides.

When I got out of the car, after some 15 minutes of chatting, he called me back in and handed me a bag that contained Starfox for NES. Wow. He'd been at the flea market in the afternoon and he'd been calling me to ask for the games I had and to release some of his excitement. I didn't think he'd buy anything, much less for me. He also bought me a vintage eraser with the letter L and the odd drawing of something that was supposed to be a lion. The L was for my name and for lion, because I was "feline". Aaaaww.

Today we went to the movies. I cannot describe how excited I was, as I was dolling up before he came to pick me up. We saw the ugly truth. I could relate our relationship to some situations in the movie, although I probably shouldn't mention them in case I spoil something. But anyway, we enjoyed it, I was happy to see he was laughing out loud.

I once told JC that this thing of the guy yawning and putting the arm around the girl at the movies didn't seem likely to happen in real life. He agreed, but he said he'd do it when we went to the movies, so I was wondering if he'd remember and carry it out. In the first minutes of the movie, he yawns and starts to stretch his arms, but then stops and laughs. I laughed too, because it was funny, really; but I have to admit that it also frustrated me a little. The most physical contact we have is when we hug goodbye (yes, yes, this is the kind of frustration I have to deal with when I say "I can handle it").

Before he brought me home we stopped by the flea market and bought The Lion King and F-Zero for NES. He also drove by his mom's restaurant, though it was closed, just to show it to me. He gave me a little box of Nerds and I gave him a miniature slinky, that he didn't let go of the entire afternoon. He loves it so much, and he said he'd wear it as a ring, and will lift his hand and show it to his "fans" when they are after him. That made me feel awesome, it sounded like he was my territory.

Right now I'm talking to him about Joseph. Because I saw that Joseph wrote "yay, I got everything I wanted in a year" in his FB status and that hurt me a lot. There isn't a day that goes by without me thinking of Joseph. But usually it means nothing and I feel nothing. This isn't the case.

So I'm reliving many things, but it's nice that JC is letting me talk, asking me questions. Even though I think of Joseph daily, I do not stop and analyze the aftermath of our relationship...emotionally. I'm hurt but I am fully aware that I'm a better person because I failed him.

Anyway, we are talking about my break-up, JC's break-up...it's wonderful to be this open about things that hurt so much, and that allow you to learn and grow up. JC says that even though he's been happy hanging out with me, he still deals with the pain of the break-up. I have things to look forward to this week, mostly regarding JC, but I shall keep in mind the first paragraph of this entry.

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