At least now the tension is kinda sorta unbearable.
Tuesday, 11/24/09 - 10:57 pm.

Over the weekend, I gave thought to having a friendship with Joseph. I imagined us talking and stuff. I miss him a little, I guess. But I'm confused about him and it was just a fantasy. Except for a little heartbreak and appreciation and gratitude, I don't care much about him. Plus, then I imagined myself arriving to his house and seeing him carrying his baby. I automatically mouthed "no" and forgot this subject, until now that I'm writing about it.

And today the whole day I kept looking at the date and thinking there was something about it. It is now that I remember that on this date Joseph and Mrs Smith started dating a year ago. Bleh.

Things have been rough at work. 50% of the staff is being let go and I'll work part time starting in january. Stupid economic crisis. Personally, working part time is a huge win for me, but the situation sucks. This NGO does an awesome, innovative job with persons with disabilities and this will just go down the drain. And my coworkers are great people (most of them, amputess that have become role models) and it's horrible that they're being let go because there's not enough money.

On a more shallow note, things have been rough at work because I've been doing my job. These two days it's been just doing everybody a favor...that's my job, really, doing things for other people. So I haven't really made progress on my personal projects, although on sunday I got started my christmas shopping and that's a relief.

Yesterday I got a phone call from my university, regarding a supporting letter for a scholarship I wanted to apply to. They asked me if I could be at the university at 4, and my bosses kindly allowed me to go (they're very relaxed in that sense). It was a three-minute reunion: I have a great academical record but the scholarship doesn't cover clinical psychology. They wrote to the universities I chose to reconfirm, because apparently I'm worth a shot. I don't think I'll be able to apply for this scholarship but I'm fine with that. If this isn't my chance, so be it. I'll keep trying.

JC was around campus as I was there, and he was free of his academical schedule at 4; he didn't have classes yesterday, how convenient for me. I stopped by the instructors' cubicle to say hi to some people and he was already there (with our mad communication skillz, we already knew we'd find each other). I socialized but at some point I just wanted to leave with him. So among all the people in the cubicle, I looked at him and did this small gesture of sliding the back of my right hand on the palm of my left hand, meaning "let's go". And it just so happened that he was traveling by bus yesterday, so I gave him a ride home. And of course, I stayed there for an hour or four.

JC's mom runs a restaurant and she's been getting anonymous threats over the phone. He was a little uneasy but it seemed the police was taking care of it, so by the time I was with him he was more calm and we got to enjoy our evening: I played with his puppy, we played Wii with his shoulder touching my knee most of the time (he was lying on his stomach, I was sitting cross-legged on his bed), he read while I reviewd my patient's case...and he made me dinner. Well, he just put the stuff in the microwave, but he looked so cute in the kitchen doing that for me. We had dinner as his two teenage cousins arrived (they live there).

Then we went upstairs to his bedroom again and we laid on his bed and talked for a long time. And he said I look like a kitty, which is silly and cute, coming from him. And *high school girl moment* I could totally notice how this time there was sexual tension coming from him, too. We had awkward moments of silence and I caught him staring at me, and I know he used his dumb technique of looking the other way without moving his head and I laughed out loud inside *high school girl moment ends*.

I had to tell him one of these days, I love his hugs. And last night he thanked me for being there for him while his family is going through these threats, and for staying with him and for the great time. We hugged goodbye...ah, fuck. I could just fall asleep like that. And then he kissed me. On my shoulder or something, just wherever he had his head on. I was a bit more bold, and a few seconds after his kiss, I kissed him on the cheek. least I had the courage to move my head. Needless to speak about my chemical reactions while driving back home.

We have a lot of things ahead. We are going to a party on saturday and tomorrow night he'll teach me how to dance. I had a preview of the lessons last night, he's just so funny and awesome. And he's asked me to do his hair for the party, which I don't really know how it goes but it sounds cute. And I'm worried about what to wear because, believe it or not, I do not know what semi-formal means.

I will not talk about the hilarious e-mails and texts he sends me. He makes my day, every day. Tomorrow he'll be near my neighborhood and he'll come to my workplace at 5 so I'll give him a ride home while I go to my drum lessons; and then I'll drive back to his house, which is less than a mile away. Oh, dear God, I love this boy so much.

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