Sunday, 01.24.10 - 9:20 pm.
At times I get desperate to find a signal that tells me what to do about JC. Then I say to myself that whatever I do is simply up to me. I hesitate about carrying out my plan, but then V. leaves a note encouraging it. It's funny, but sooner or later I end up doing what she had advised. I suppose we have similar opinions on what's convenient for us, emotionally. I just seem to take the longer road to discover that it was convenient in the first place.
This morning my friend Victoria came over. We were determined to tackle this awful scholarship applications. We reviewed universities, requirements, fired off some e-mails. I ended up exhausted and still a little discouraged, although going through this with someone else is very, very comforting. I really love Victoria, she's one of my best friends. We also took a break to discuss stuff, including JC.
Regardless of my decision, I'm taking the step of erasing an album on FB named after an in-joke of ours and that contains pics of stuff we did. Obviously, group stuff. The pictures of our weekend at the mountains, for example, are really great but are meant to be private. I would have loved to publish some of them (one of the pictures of us kissing is so good, but hey, private) and they were perfectly suitable to be viewed by the public. But JC is not mine to pimp around. He never was.
While I take these baby steps and reach a final decision, let's go back to last night, when I met CR and Lighthouse. I'd missed hanging out with them, and it was just like last year. It made my weekend. This is the thing, I always need an event that makes my weekend. Something so fun that makes me say, it's ok if nothing else happens, I've had my share of fun and I can go back to work in peace. Sometimes it could be that I see a lot of friends, one after the other, but usually, the "event" had to involve CR and Lighthouse. Then it went on to involve JC and he was all I needed. And this year so far, I've been struggling to keep myself busy over the weekend.
Anyway. Lighthouse crashed his car saturday morning (4 am, that is), so he couldn't get out and invited me over to his house instead. CR had been with him the whole saturday. Lighthouse was very annoyed and angry because it was a silly one-car accident that involved a curb. In his defense, he had had a terrible night at a gig he put together and went wrong, it was 4 am, he was pissed and was very far away from his house to drop off some people. His car seems scratched but inside is wrecked. So he was dealing with the idea of not going out for a couple of months, to afford the repairs.
When I got to his house, the door was open and I let myself in. His mom was in the living room watching TV, I'd never seen her before. I greeted her and asked her about Lighthouse (I said his name...I like his name). She was very kind and told me to go ahead into his bedroom.
We caught up on our lives and after a while we went out for pizza. At the pizza place, one of the waiters gave CR his wallet back, "you dropped this, sir". Except that wasn't CR's wallet. He took it, though. We had an awesome and funny conversation while they drank beer, I drank soda and we ate a tiny, tiny pizza. It was neat when Lighthouse told me, almost begged me, "hey, come visit me some time", as we talked about his car wreckage and how he won't be able to go out much. He couldn't let it go, insisting on how stupid he was, but yeah, it may be an expensive repairment.
There's something very familiar about hanging out with these two boys, even though I wouldn't consider our bond is that of BFFs. I was driving us back to Lighthouse's house after having pizza and it felt like nothing had changed since last year, between february and june, when we'd hang out nearly every weekend. We were still whining about how terribly done Watchmen was and discussing how we'd have done it better.
When we got back to Lighthouse's house, I used the bathroom inside his bedroom and when I returned, the boys had opened the wallet. I had completely forgotten about it. I don't think they counted the money but they mentioned $360. I checked the man's ID, pictures...he had a lot of documents and business cards, including the one of a proctologist. On 07/07/09 he bought a dozen eggs, according to a ticket. It was fun, I must admit.
They were discussing the amount of money in the wallet. Actually, Lighthouse was giving arguments for keeping it. "It was given to you, it literally fell on your hands!". I saw CR a little reluctant, replying to Lighthouse: "we'll discuss that later, Lucifer". I didn't want to give my opinion nor I was asked for it, so I just insisted on the part of giving back the documents. CR said something about investing the money the right way, and even giving some of it to Lighthouse for his car, so I guess he'll keep the whole sum. He does need it. I don't really know what I'd done if I had found it and I'd rather not think about it.
After this, we watched Tales Of The Black Freighter, the comic inside the Watchmen comic, that was released separately. We were not happy about how the story was portrayed and how it was separated from the context of Watchmen (hello, what about Adrian Veidt?) but the animation was cool. And before that, they smoked some pot and drank tequila. Lighthouse gave me a shot and said he'd drink it with me. I'm a failure at drinking alcohol, I couldn't even finish it. I guess it's a matter of habit but I just don't like the taste.
I'll see if I can hang out with Lighthouse alone during the week. I'd never done that, you know? I promised him I'd take him out this week when he gets out of work at 7 pm. I admit to still having a little crush on him, but I'm telling you, we're not each other's type. It's come to my attention that perhaps I just need male companionship. At least in my head, he's turning into a nice distraction from JC, to the point that this morning I couldn't remember anything of what I supposedly wanted to say to him.
I just came back from my birthday dinner with my Brother #3 and wife plus her brother, my sister and Nephew #1. I had key lime pie and frozen coffee as a snack and THEN we went for pizza. I have a very small stomach, so I had to throw up in the restaurant's restroom. After that I felt lighter *cough*. Interesting birthday celebration for sure.
Oh, well. I have tons of plans for this week: continue the scholarship applications, meet up with a few friends, continue writing my book...finally, after over a year, I felt inspired again. I have to go on. And mine is a lonely road.
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