Half hope, half reality.
Saturday, 02.13.10 - 5:57 pm.

I was happy to discover this morning that I was inspired. I went out last night with my friends Victor2 and Virginia and just being around them and their unbelievable hilarity, I felt inspired. And so this morning I had ideas and I wrote them down. For stories and cartoons. They're not many but I like them.

On wednesday afternoon, I took my friend Monica to the tattoo shop, to design her tattoo. We hung out there and we made an appointment for friday, to continue working on her design. And I still have to make mine. At some point, she came out for a smoke and I followed her. We stood outside the shop and talked while we watched people and cars rush through this huge avenue. It was a great moment.

By the time I was heading to drop her off at her coffeehouse the traffic was terrible, so we stopped by a Wendy's and we stayed there for two hours that went by like nothing. She worked on some university assignments while I struggled with my essays for my scholarship applications. We had great coffee and delicious fries, and we'd take breaks to talk about stuff.

We were supposed to go back to the shop on friday afternoon (and I was hoping to make an appointment to get inked today or tomorrow), but she couldn't make it, I think we'll go on monday. She said we should do something over the weekend but she hasn't called. I don't think she will. That's ok. I love the bond we have.

When I say that's ok, I mean I'm used to it. And I thought about this on friday, when she said she couldn't make it. Perhaps it's because I've been trained with Lighthouse, now I'm used to getting plans cancelled at the last minute and not getting the phone calls I was told I'd get. It happens.

I'm unusually tired, as I usually am on saturdays. I think I will not go out tonight and I don't know what I'll do tomorrow, although tomorrow I must find someone to do something with.

JC is on my mind but I'm taking it calmly. I was watching this movie, A Lot Like Love. I thought it was silly and getting nowhere but it picked up and in the end I really liked it. It did remind me of JC in many aspects: the boy, the friendship, oh, and the road trip...although we were smart enough to get a room.

Chick flicks play with your feelings and I've learned to be more realistic. But I have to admit that they kind of give me hope. I mean, boys DO act in surprisingly sweet ways when they are in love with you. I know JC is not coming back, I wish he did, but...hey, at least something did happen, something awesome. In the movie I watched today I saw something similar. Some things were similar to what we did and what we had.

Inevitably, I also think of Joseph. You know how in movies there's always a bad relationship before the hero or heroine finds true love? I hate being that bad relationship. If his story was told in a movie, I'd probably be portrayed like the girlfriend he has nothing in common with, and you wonder why he's with her and you root for him to finish that relationship and run to find the Woman of his Life. Meh.

I should probably refocus and ask instead how would MY story be told in a movie, but you see, I have yet to make that one out.

Loneliness does hit me often. I admit right now I want to have a relationship like I had with Joseph or JC. I want closeness, someone who is the number one on my list to call, who is up for doing fun stuff, that can be random, silly and smart, and for whom I am his priority. I want a boy to call home. Two guys have openly expressed their desire to date me (one of them is Skeleton Guy), but it would be very hipocritical of me if I said yes to either of them. They offer me what I want but I'm not compelled to reciprocate at all. So you can hi-five me for at least keeping it real and not playing with anyone's feelings, let alone my own.

Nature calls me: it's time to doodle.

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