Tuesday, 02.23.10 - 10:29 am.
The weekend left me in a state of apathy, and in the end, I only went out to take myself to the movies to see Valentine's Day (meh). It's a good thing I did that, though, because I was supposed to go out with Monica afterwards but she got sick and cancelled. As she had cancelled for saturday night. I could have called CR, I guess, but I thought of taking a break from him this weekend. At least I did something nice for myself, taking me to the movies.
Yesterday I was told it's still a couple of months before I'm back full time at my job, which means I have a couple of months to find another job. I don't want to stay here; yesterday I endured a bit of sexism during a meeting that left me a bit hurt and pissed off. It's a small thing but it's precisely in the small things where you see how you're still singled out because "you're a woman" (and one from the XIX Century, apparently). Meh. It was upsetting me a lot yesterday and thought about addressing it today but these subjects are so delicate when discussed with conventional people. I'm not going to change their gender ideology in three minutes and I'll always find cowrokers with such prejudices. I just have to think quickly and defend myself next time it happens, not after it's happened.
With the perspective of earning very little in the upcoming months, I thought of cancelling my drum lessons. But I suppose I can make an effort and pay one more month. The coffee and meals out are not a real problem, much less now that I haven't gone out much. Then there's gas and rent for my clinic. My car is in the shop right now and I'm expecting the bill. Then I have to pay for paperwork related to my scholarship applications (that are almost done). I am spending more than I am earning but I am also experiencing the results of having saved in the past. So I'm doing well, really. Yay.
I texted JC yesterday asking him to lend me his snare drum but he never replied. I was dissapointed, I had hoped to hear back from him. Last night I was particularly longing for him and it's sad to realize things have really died between us. I left the relationship in his hands and evidence shows that this is what he wants. I took comfort in the fact that I got to hear what a sonic boom really is, when the Endeavour entered the atmosphere above my geographic location two nights ago. I know that's got nothing to do with JC but it was pretty awesome and it made my day.
It's about time I get inked for the second time. I got my first tattoo on my friend Mikey's birthday. I didn't plan on it but I figured it would be nice to get my future tattoos on special occassions. By the schedule of my tat artist, I may get my second one on Joseph's birthday on Sunday. Or a day before or after, to avoid a direct link. The tattoo itself has nothing to do with him. He's not someone I'm going to forget during my lifetime, so it's not important whether I get inked that day or not. It's a possibility, based on timing rather than on feelings.
No, wait...I am just rationalizing it. It is a decision based on my remaining feelings for him.
Sorry this is a brightless entry. It pretty much reflects my life as of now. But I'm not in a bad mood. In fact, I'm making the effort to keep cheerful and upbeat. I dance to happy music before going to work and just try to stay positive. It is working and in general I feel ok. Hopefully things will improve soon.
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