Sunday, 05.02.10 - 9:00 pm.
Man! It's been long since I last updated on wednesday. And it's been an awesome weekend. It started out on friday, when I saw JC's teenage cousin at the clinic for the first time. It's a tough case, he seems devastated by all the negative experiences he's had in his 14 years of life. But we can work on it to make his present and future better.
That same night I attended a rock gig at a small mexican restaurant. It kind of made my stomach turn at first because it was like a block away from Joseph's house. But I went with friends, Victor1 and Virginia, and the amazing singer of the band was a cool guy I met on Twitter, and I met other people I'd talked to on Twitter and it was a good night all around.
I had Saturday off. I didn't have to go to the clinic in the morning because it was Labor Day. But in the afternoon I went to my Narrative Workshop and learned more about writing. There is a very handsome guy in the workshop but he doesn't care about me. What a shame. But hey, I always appreciate eye-candy.
At night I went to the movies with my family; it was madness because Iron Man II had just opened and we weren't even going to see that one. It was a bit of a hassle getting snacks for everyone (mom, dad, Nephew #1 and #3, sister, aunt and uncle from my mom's side and cousin...whew!) and then make groups because we were going to see different movies. But it was fun. At the movie theater in the mall I saw CR and his friend Douglas. I chatted with them for a while. Later I saw Lighthouse, from afar, with a guy and a gal. He didn't see me.
And today...man, today I went to a recording studio!!!!! And I played the drumssss!!! I met up with CR at about 4 and he said Lighthouse was waiting for us at his brother's recording studio and probably his brother and guys from his well-known band would be there. I was a bit starstruck and hesitated, but of course we went.
The studio reminded me of a Gessell Camera. Only Lighthouse and his band were there. This is a band he and our late friend Fer used to play in and the remaining members have gotten together again. They sound great. Lighthouse is a bass player but also plays a bit of drums, as I could tell during the rehearsal.
CR and I stayed outside the recording booth, in the waiting room, but listening to and looking at the band through the glass. One of the things we talked about, of course, was Joseph. CR was telling me that I have yet to hit rock bottom regarding him. I said no, there wasn't anything else from him that could hurt me. But then I thought twice: I have yet to run into him; worse, into him and his wife; even worse, into him, his wife and their baby. My stomach was in knots at the thought and that must have been visible because CR just made a face, meaning "see what I mean?".
This week I was very scared of running into Joseph, I don't know why. I dreamed of him on Friday morning, I was hanging out in his bedroom. He was married. I don't remember what we talked, I do remember it was about "us". Then I came out of his bedroom into the living room that ressembled the lobby of a hotel. Right there I ran into his wife, who was coming from work. She had a nice uniform and she was carpooling. She saw me and greeted me like a friend, although I think she was suspicious about my presence in the house. It was creepy and painful.
I suppose it's no use worrying about it. I'll give him half a smirk if I ever run into him...I think it'd be nasty if we ignored each other, but hey, maybe that's what he'd go for. What's important here is me, though, right? I hope it won't happen. We live like five minutes but I haven't seen him since February last year. I hope to continue being this lucky.
I wonder if May has something in store for me. I always consider it the month in which I get romantically involved with guys: The Guy (2001), D. (2002), 1 (2003), Joseph (2002), Art (2009)...JC came into my life in June; fail. May 17th would have been my 6th anniversary with Joseph. But also, the end of May will mark one year since I stopped talking to him. That makes me feel good, you know? I even feel proud for making that decision, because kicking what was left of him from my life has been a relief.
CR also commented the letter I showed him...a letter I have yet to post here, sorry. He burned it after reading and said that it was very well written, that all I was going through was normal and he understood me and he laughed because I'm right: he did all that shit and in the end I'm the villain. Ok, I seriously have to post it here, maybe tomorrow.
On happier news, Lighthouse was very nice to me today. He came out of the booth during a break and thanked me and hugged me (!!!) for dropping by, and said we don't see each other as often as we should. He proposed we met on wednesday night at the studio to jam and begin putting our band together.
My rational side says: first, if he was interested in me, he'd chase me. He'd call me and ask me out. Second, a band? I vaguely remember something about jamming together but that's about it. However, don't get me wrong. I say this paragraph with a smile because he's cute nonetheless and I melted when he hugged me and made me feel appreciated; like it was great to have me around. CR does that too, although it's clear he likes me: has anyone told you you are stunningly beautiful? "A couple of times, yeah". These kids are so nice to me.
Last night that I saw Lighthouse I was like, "meh". But given what went on today, I will allow myself to have a little crush on him again. It's very harmless, it has me giggling. I don't really wish for anything to happen because I know we're different (perhaps this is the clarity Joseph hoped he and I both would grasp to avoid getting together). Having him as a friend is good enough. He's brought a lot of fun into my life, and that's thanks to CR, who introduced him to me.
And the studio, man! When the band finished rehearsing, Lighthouse let me sit at the drums and bang away. He and CR went to the parking lot to smoke a joint. It was delightful.
I'll try to keep my spending to a minimum this week, because THE AEROSMITH CONCERT IN COSTA RICA IS IN 29 DAYS. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!!!!
JC's birthday is on Friday. Should I take him out to grab a bite? He's my friend, after all, and I enjoy his company and he tried to make my birthday special. But hell, the moment I remember he rejected me after everything that had been going on between us for months, and the moment I remember he got back to his ex-girlfriend...I get so bitter. I am so ambivalent towards him and perhaps it's better if I just drop him a line.
Please be good to me, May. We're off to a good start.
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