Bring me some cheese for this whine.
Monday, 06.14.10 - 7:53 pm.

Damn, I haven't written in five days. I've been meaning to but never think that what I have to say is too relevant. Let me do a recap, starting with the fact that soon it's going to be Father's Day and I'm sore that this will be Joseph's first. I care about that, but not that much.

Since the weekend I've been in a bit of pain, like I'm going to get a cold but never do entirely. I'm tired and my nose hurts but that's about it. Maybe associated or not but I've also had long, tiring dreams.

Oh, you know something that caught my attention? Two days after seeing Prince of Persia with CR and Lighthouse, last tuesday, Lighthouse texted me: did you like Hedgehog in the Fog? That's a short animated film he'd reccomended. It made me smile, OMG he texted me in the middle of the afternoon to ask me that. But don't take me for a fool. I enjoyed the moment and the feeling; I replied saying yes, I loved it, and went on with my life. I haven't heard from him or seen him since. This weekend I didn't call CR.

Three of my four patients keep moving our days, something always comes up and can't make it on the day we're supposed to have our session. There's only one that has been incredibly committed and we're doing well, although she's in danger, objectively. Anyway, on the other hand, due to a misunderstanding, I didn't show up to meet up with JC's mom (JC's cousin is my patient) on saturday morning; she assumed I understood and she didn't call to confirm...I thought that since she didn't call, she was telling me she wouldn't make it. I'm worried about that case, but it has nothing to do with JC.

Perhaps the only real good news lately is that I submitted my application to adopt a dog. The organization contacted me and they're going to schedule a visit to check out my house. I'm a bit nervous about getting a dog again after Frog, I'm worried about how my cat will take it, so I can't say I'm excited. But I want to adopt so bad. I trust everything will be ok.

I hate my job and I keep it only because of the money. But it's a load of crap and I want to quit. I fear having no regular income (and my patients leaving, thus losing my irregular income, too) but honestly, I just want to storm out. It's so fucking unfulfilling and annoying. I overheard something about the contract for the new project coming in this friday. I think I'd go full time in august. If so, august is my last month in that place.

As for Sam, he occassionaly makes my heart skip a beat but I have concluded that he's a mix between Art and JC, when it comes to his romantic intentions with me, so I'm bound to be highly dissapointed.

I am dissapointed already, but I'm making the effort to know all this is virtual. The whole romantic interaction comes down to mostly tweets and Direct Messages, and it's day in and day out. I may be a crush but he has several crushes; perhaps I stand out because he's seen me in person. Nothing guarantees me that I'm the only one he talks sweetly to. I mean, you can say anything through a computer. And he shows no sign of wanting to meet up in real life, not even wanting to have a conversation beyond 140 characters, so there.

I need something real to look forward to.

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