I wasn't dissapointed because I had no expectations.
Sunday, 07.18.10 - 3:45 pm.

I have decided not to apply to Australia for now. It's only a week to do a lot of things, and while I have most documents, I don't want to rush my choices regarding universities (but thanks for wishing me luck, I still need it!). I took my time to read the scholarship guidelines and they don't fund my day-to-day living, anyway. It's not like I thought I would get the scholarship just like that, but with that in consideration, I'd better apply next year.

Yesterday I was going to meet up with John. I got lazy so I thought of coming home after seeing my patient at the clinic, near his house, and tell him to meet in a place near my house. It's a good thing: he called at 11 am and said he was in a work meeting, and if we could meet at 1 pm instead of 12. Then he called at 12:15 saying that people at work had decided to go grab lunch together and if we could reeschedule for later or for today. I said I'd give him a call to set time and date but never did.

I'm not being mean, nor am I mad about his cancelling. I was actually happy to have lunch at home. If he's interested, he'll call again. I'm kind of flattered but he just came back into my life, suddenly and even desperately, after over a decade of not seeing each other and we were never close, to begin with. I'm not in a hurry to meet with a stranger.

On the other hand, yesterday I was going to see Toy Story 3 with CR and Lighthouse. Lighthouse said he'd bring a girl friend and I was all for it. But then it made me laugh in frustration that for the first time ever, CR wasn't available and Lighthouse and I would have gone to the movies alone. I don't have a crush on him anymore, but I still would have liked that chance, just for kicks and to stimulate my hormones.

Between the screenings of Eclipse and the closing of two other movie theaters in the area, the place was packed. I got in line while Lighthouse and his gal pal showed up, but 30 minutes passed, they showed up and we still didn't get to buy the tickets so we missed the movie.

Lighthouse's friend, who shall be named Anna, at first striked me as very stuck-up. I'll describe her like a bit of a Victoria Beckham, with the bob and the neutral expression and the high heels. I was intimidated and feared I may be a third wheel. She barely said hi to me.

We decided to leave that awful mall where the movie theater is, and go to a caf� bar. On my way there, I was thinking, "seriously, Lighthouse? That's the kind of girl you like to date?". But I wasn't jealous, after knowing Lighthouse for a year and a half (feels much longer) I know I don't want to date him at all. But it seems guys that I believe I would be a perfect match for, choose a more traditional type of girl. But in all fairness, I didn't know her beyond the image.

At the caf�, Lighthouse offered her something to eat or drink and she declined, and instead lighted up a cigarrete. I tried to make conversation by asking her what she did, if she was studying or working. "No, I'm not working right now" was her only answer. I didn't insist.

But eventually she started to smile and make eye contact with me. She's gorgeous, really, and she seemed someone I may see in a superhero movie. Lighthouse did all the talking, she barely said a few words the whole time. Which I think is how I look like when I'm with CR and Lighthouse. Except sometimes I didn't know if she was really listening to him.

So at some point it was Lighthouse and I talking, and that was neat because I always thought we'd sit in uncomfortable silence if we were just the two of us. There were some silences, yes, but nothing that bad. We talked about music, the Marvel universe (this is when he did most of the talking) and his projects. But when he got up, twice, she and I had brief conversations and it was all right. I like her.

Nothing in their body language made me believe there was something between them, except that Lighthouse said something about having seen Iron Man 2 together and when he asked her about music her dad listens to. Could be that it was my presence, or they're just testing the waters.

CR never picked up the phone and we decided to wrap up the evening. Something tells me they were going to do something together afterwards, but it does not bother me. I just wish I'd known, so I would have known when to leave and they wouldn't have had the need to get rid of me gracefully if that was the case. Next time I see him, I'll ask Lighthouse if there's something between them and that I didn't want to be a third wheel. Next time, if I dare. Next time, if it still matters.

So I came home a bit frustrated, because I was hoping to get more out of my saturday. But at night Sam talked to me online and that made me happy. He asked me to test a tutorial he was writing, and I was biting my tongue to point out at some wording flaws, because his thing is graphic design, not literature or the like. Since I know nothing about working with pixels or whatever (I guess that's why he chose me -_-), I helped him improve the tutorial a bit.

A few times he was a bit flirty with me, but he didn't follow through. The strongest thing of the night was me telling him I'd have a chocolate as a reward for doing what the tutorial said, and that I'd eat another one for him. You could eat me by kissing me, he said. I replied, wholeheartedly, "Anytime you want ^^". He said, No kidd u_u, and I don't know what he really meant by "no kidding". I just typed back "^^" and that was the end of our conversation.

If I had the chance with him, I would take it, but I think he's too immature...or, he's just fooling around. In any case, I'm not dissapointed. I take it for what it is, virtual flirting. It's a fantasy. My friend Victor2 encourages me to push him to be clear, if he really wants to go from fantasy to reality but...I don't think I'll do anything about him. The kid just started college, I'm sure he'll find more suitable options there.

Meanwhile, back to the ranch, I'll go take a nap.

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