So I attended my ex's wedding.
Tuesday, 07.20.10 - 10:36 pm.

Yesterday I saw my friend Monica, after months of losing track of her due to the awful semester she was having at the university. She's pure sunshine, man, it made me so happy seeing her.

We only had a couple of hours to chat because I had my Psychotherapy course at 5, but we got to catch up. No, wait...she did all the talking. I didn't mind, though. She's on the verge of breaking up with her boyfriend of years; last time we spoke, she had her doubts, now she is sure. I say, and the world says with me, it's about damn time. He's a good man but he lives his life by rigid social conventions, whereas Monica is a free spirit. So we discussed a lot of things, wins and losses that will come with the break-up.

We also discussed how in love she is with her best friend Orlando. See, these two kids and I got very close when it seemed I had a chance with JC, nearly a year ago. I always thought they made a good couple but never said a thing, because sometimes friends are indeed just friends. But I had a hunch. They're in love with each other, so it's just a matter of time. A lot of the cute flirting she was telling me about reminded me of my fling with JC.

I smile when I think of the times I had with JC. Regardless of how abruptly and crappily (?) it ended, it was a breath of fresh air and I had the time of my life with him. But, um...I still debate whether stop speaking to him...actually, it's not stopping speaking as much as wanting to tell him I ache over the fact that he got back to his ex shortly after dumping me.

I do not speak to him, really. He calls me occassionally, or sends me e-mails. I answer. I don't look for him, but I'm thinking perhaps he shouldn't look for me either. The aforementioned fact disgusts me, and perhaps I think of not talking to him anymore as a way of generating a consequence for his behavior with me. Otherwise, he gets away with breaking my heart and yet I remain friends with him.

Speaking of pain, I dreamed that I attended Joseph's wedding. HOLY CRAP, BRAIN, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! In all honesty, though, I wasn't that shaken. I woke up a bit bitter but not in tears or particularly heartbroken.

Oh, and also, I dreamed that Joe Perry slept next to me in my bed. Oh, my God *swoon*.

Here's the thing: the wedding was at the place I always dream of as Joseph's house, this huge mansion, his parents' house (in reality, it's a big house, but it's also been magnified by my brain). I found some of my high school classmates at the party and I had to sneak to the yard because I didn't want to see him...obviously!!! Jeez, why was I at his wedding in the first place?

Turns out the wedding was kind of like a disaster because everyone was drunk, including the DJ. But for that same reason, everyone was pretty happy. I saw Joseph's wife from afar, I only saw her coif, her back and the huge wedding dress she was wearing. Then I saw Joseph saying goodbye to the guests at the door and I nearly died because I had to walk through that door.

As I tried to walk through it, my body became heavier and heavier and it was like walking in a pool...I was going so slow and it was so difficult to move. I tried not to make eye contact with him, thinking that he would not notice me that way. Oh, the LULz.

I *think* it was the same dream, and it was the morning after, he and I were walking down the street. It's the same street I'd already dreamed of, the street where he lives with his wife, in my head. He offered me a ride, I think, and I replied aggressively and took my own car, which was parked nearby.

And that was it. And today my Psychotherapy class was painfully long and I kept thinking about him and I felt like crying for a while. Everything about him hurts me, everyday, but I'm not about to start talking about it here right now. Let it be known, he still hurts me, a lot.

But...whatever, dude, I slept next to Joe Perry <3

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