I want to dedicate the 4000th entry to my girlfriend.
Sunday, 07.25.10 - 11:36 pm.

I'm going to use my 4000th entry (HOLYFUCKINGSHIT!) to do a recap of this awesome weekend. Awesome weekend was awesome!

Let me start by saying that I had never seen anyone so happy about a break-up as my friend Monica was. Shortly after I wrote the last entry, she called me to inform me that she was done with her boyfriend of many years. But she was happy because they ended on very good terms; both had seen it coming, and they both knew the other deserved to be free and explore his/her own interests. It was quite amicable and peaceful. I was so happy for her about that.

Later on I thought I would have liked to have such a break-up with Joseph. A relationship like ours deserved a better ending. Going on two years after finishing it, I understand we were very different but then, and maybe even up to this day, I couldn't stop loving him the way he stopped me loving me, so hey, everything happens for a reason, right? However the break-up unfolded is still nightmare-ish to me, but I survived.

Anyway. On saturday I spent a huge amount of gas, going back and forth throughout the day. I got stuck in traffic a couple of times, saw my patient and then picked up Monica at the university. She came home with me so I could change clothes. In the meantime, she met my parents and had a very nice, intellectual chat with them. Then we had lunch and then I took her to the Anthropology Museum, for she'd never been to a museum here. In total, we were together for about four hours.

She's my girl crush, you know? I'm attracted to her...haha, I even took her to meet my parents. I'm positive I'm heterosexual, but here and there comes a girl that blows my mind: she breaks the mold from social conventions, she's both clever and beautiful. I think of Cel and Angie, and now Monica; Monica, especially. Before SATC stated that thing about your girl friends being your soulmates or something, I had that feeling, without words...I connect to these girls on a level that I can't reach with anybody else.

We talked about many things, Monica and I. Let me highlight the part about JC. She met with him and he asked her how I was; it drew my attention that he's still concerned about me. He said he'd noticed I do not get in touch with him, he's always the one pursuing me. It seems he wanted to talk to me about his girlfriend, but Monica stopped him from that. She said she didn't know what I was going through (because we hadn't spoken in some time) but for what she knew about me, it was best to leave things like that.

I told Monica that I can't forgive him for getting back with his girlfriend and I've been thinking of severing ties with him. It's not this way, but it certainly looks like he took a break from her to use me and then got back to her, to safety. But that relationship isn't going so well nowadays...they're having the same troubles they had when JC came into my life. Nasty troubles, quasicodependency issues. But I say, serves you both right. The break-up happened for a reason and no way in hell you were going to heal by trying again.

I admit it, knowing of these troubles made me smile. That's pretty mean of me, but I'm sorry, it's my bruised ego grinning. After seeing how Joseph got his happy life after me, it's kind of therapeutic to know that not all guys do that well after dumping me. In all honesty, I think JC and I were a terrific match. But he choose to end it, he probably didn't want an equal; now I'm seeing his cousin and mother at the clinic, I'm their therapist, and that's the last nail on the coffin of the remote possibility of JC and I having a second chance.

[Tonight I saw a picture of us kissing...it's so beautiful. I bit my thumb without noticing while staring at it for a while, and now my thumb is swollen]

After meeting with Monica, I met with Virginia and other kids, because we're trying to put a small animation project together. Sam is part of the team but he texted at the last minute saying he couldn't make it to the meeting, and was apologizing and saying how he wanted to see me. I sent him a sad face, he replied "I'm sorry, love". I was dissapointed, but not so much; I'm used to that with Sam. As with any other guy, really.

After the meeting, I came home and met with Brother #1. He and his wife were coming with me to a concert at night. My friend Orlando's band was playing and he and Monica had invited me. Joe's band was playing, also.

We arrived there early and my brother and his wife sat back and relaxed. I hung out with them until Monica showed up and then they said they would be ok on their own. I stayed with Monica in front of the stage.

Monica and Orlando are in love and now, that's a perfect match. They're both musicians, with a flexible mind (unlike Monica's ex, who was all into social conventions), they're on the same page on just about everything. They just belong together...their children will be beautiful and talented. I saw them from afar and I could feel the tension. While Orlando was playing, Monica kept telling me about how he'd won her heart by doing just that; Orlando is a great drummer and music was their fundamental connection. You see how they look at each other...I live that pretty thing of falling in love vicariously. That thing never comes easy for me and if it does, it goes away quickly.

But I was busy myself, looking at the guitar player/singer. I thought I liked him, but then I didn't like the way he dressed. But I looked again and yes, I liked him. He started playing synths, then he went on to the electric guitar and good Lord, I realized he reminded me of Jack White. He doesn't look like him a lot, really, he just reminded me of him (BTW, Monica told me during lunch how opening for the White Stripes was...I've heard that before but it always gives me the chills, especially the moment Jack White approached to her and her band).

I couldn't decide if I liked him or not...but the clothes; but the pretty face; maybe if the hair was longer; I'd like to remove that belt, less dorky and more rock 'n' roll; look at his guitar playing; man, I like his voice. They had a short setlist but it was enough for me to fall in love with the guy. My eyes followed him behind the stage and I wanted to meet him, I wanted to know about him. Monica knew him, she knows everyone in Orlando's band. But I bit my tongue.

It's a good thing I didn't say anything. I saw him with his girlfriend afterwards and so I scratched him off my list. Not inmediately, I confess. But he is crossed now. With a little help from FB stalking...I know, I'm slightly pathetic, but I fight my romantic fantasies with rational arguments, and in this particular case, I found those arguments in his profile.

Joe's band came on stage afterwards. When I walked into the bar, he was with his girlfriend on a couch near the door. His girl was resting on his chest but when he saw me, he got up to greet me effusively. I greeted her and then he introduced her to me; he already did that, at his last gig, but I acted like it was the first time. Joe and I have drifted apart, so I'm very well over him. When I saw him for the first time and fell in love with him, in October 2003, he had a certain style that he doesn't have anymore. He's awfully more talented now, but the style I liked is gone.

During the gig, Monica and I became girlfriends. We were talking about our time together and all these things we want to do together. We're just messing around but frankly, we are like girlfriends, minus the physical contact (physically, she's gorgeous, but I don't need to rub anything of mine with hers, thanks). I suppose we even look like that, she's the femenine partner and I'm more tomboy-ish. I hope we'll follow-through on our plans. I do need someone like her in my life.


Today I spent the day with my whole family: parents, Brother #1 and wife and Nephew #1 (who have come from Houston to visit), sister and Nephew #2, Brother #3 and wife. We were missing Brother #2 and wife and Nephew #3 (in NM), and my niece (in Montana)...I think it'll be many years before we can get together, all of us. But here we were today, most of the clan, together since lunchtime. I love my family. And my parents' 41st wedding anniversary is on tuesday, so we went for dinner to celebrate.

And I have a few social commitments to honor this week, aside from hanging out with Brother #1, his wife and Nephew #1. I gotta check my schedule.

You know, 1, my first ex-boyfriend (lasted 6 months in 2003), has been posting interview things to my wall on Facebook tonight. He's either trying to reestablish communication or simply trying to trick me into thinking he's into me again...the latter, a mean thing to believe, perhaps. "What do you like about *yours truly*? - everything", and other six questions, about getting back in touch and staying on an island and what tattoo would I get.

Everytime I realize the type of guys I attract, I hate myself a little and wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

Anyway, bedtime.

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