My girlcrush, my dog, my plans and my friend on Mr and Mrs Smith.
Saturday, 08.14.2010 - 11:41 pm.

Last night, Monica asked me to be his girlfriend. That was after I showed her the fantastic Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band wallet that Brother #2 gave me for Christmas last year. No, but seriously, she loves me.

I went out with her last night. Her friend/crush and my former psychology pupil, Orlando, was playing with his band at a little bar. I met up with Monica at a caf� bar I go to often and I'd never seen that place so packed. I found a guy that's a friend of CR's and he acted like we were pals for long, but truthfully, I'd only seen him a couple of times before; he was all over the place. I'd say "clinically hyperactive" instead of "drunk".

When I got there, Monica was talking to a guy with dreadlocks that's forever sitting at the university entrance (the caf� bar is half a block away from there). I met him through Joseph, and he's always high, it seems. There were other people with her and the rest was guys getting drunk and checking her out. But she didn't care. And when she noticed them, she'd ask what's up and make conversation. Not in a flirty way...I don't think I've ever met a woman as confident as she is. She's friendly and straightforward and that intimidates guys.

Oh, and she's gorgeous. She's fucking perfect, physically and mentally (she has her demons, epic ones, but still...perfect!). I don't say it meaning I'm questioning my sexuality nor like I am jealous. I'm just blown away by her existence. She was wearing a skin tight cami, a mini skirt and sandals. Since she broke up with her conventional boyfriend, she has all this energy and good vibe that feels like a tsunami. She's a true artist and she wants to create a music and art scene in the city, something she created in the city she comes from, years ago.

She told me about the two weeks she spent in her hometown, meeting up with her ex, the love of her life. We waited for some friends that were going to see Orlando too and after an hour of, um, hanging out, we went to the bar.

I was in my car with a guy named Oscar. I was his instructor a couple of years ago, really nice, smart guy. Monica went in her car with one of her best friends. On the street where the bar is located, the exhaust pipe of Monica's car fell off. Oscar and the two girls got soaking wet trying to rip it off the car.

I was hoping to meet new people at the bar. I didn't. And there wasn't anyone that caught my eye. Everything and mostly everyone was indie and that's not my thing. Still, it was a killer gig, Orlando is a powerful drummer. The band invited Monica onstage for a song. The sound didn't make any justice to her voice, but she still managed to catch the attention of a guy from a radio station that supports national acts. And she met musicians, too.

See, she's trying to put bands together, aside from trying to build a movement. I can totally see it happening. She's determined to make it happen, and when you're around her and see her attitude and just feel her vibe...she's something else. Seriously, these things about someone who lights up the entire room when she enters it is not just shit for songs. I can see her making it big, it's just a matter of time.

I'm seeing her tomorrow, I think. She lights up my life and she tells me she'll take me places and get me drunk because she wants to see the contents of my awesome unconscious (if she could make out with mi mind, she would; word). Me, I see her as a ticket to new experiences and places. Experiences I'm not brave enough to seek and places I don't belong to.

Like last the caf� bar, all those people around me, I was wondering, what the hell am I doing here? Maybe it was a good thing that I never went out like that with Joseph. I'm the shy girl that only smiles and nods, because I she has nothing to say (by the way, I ached for sitting next to Joseph, with his arm around me, talking about shit he's gone through). People laughing loudly, drinking and smoking. I came home with my hair smelling like cigarrette smoke. I wanted a drink but they only had beer.

Monica was a bit tipsy and for a moment I thought she was going to kiss me. But that's just her. She's very affectionate with people she loves, and sometimes she'd hug me and mess with my hair, saying how great it was having me around. Aw, I think the same about her.

And enough of my girlcrush.


I adopted my dog Pichu about a month ago. I'm very happy with her, I love her. But every day I'm more convinced that she was beaten and severely mistreated. She's very nervous and gets easily scared. Last week a finger fell off and she was crying in pain. I took her to a wonderful vet on emergency. Today, by his suggestion, she had surgery to remove those weird-looking fingers that used to hang on her back legs. The vet said these fingers are to be removed by the 4th or 5th day after the pup is born.

Her eyes break my heart. She has marks on her elbows, she used to lay down in hard places for a long time. The vet showed me that she's missing her front teeth and he thinks she must be around 10 years old, and not 7 or 8, like people at the shelter thought. I don't mind. I'm so thankful to have her and it's great that I've given her a home with love and pats on the head and a couch. I see stray dogs everyday and I know she was one of them. I wonder what she's gone through but I think I'd cry halfway through the story (anyway, nobody knows it but her).


I've decided to start my master's degree here next year. My plan always involved going abroad for that, but I don't see it happening right now. Psychology and social sciences in general are not a priority area for scholarships, it seems.

How do I feel about making a drastic change in my life plans? I feel great! Of course I want to go abroad to continue growing professionally. I will keep applying. But I will not lose my time while the scholarship boards play hard to get. I will stay here, try the master's degree (my friend/mentor W is the director so I know it's good), continue applying, continue seeing patients at the clinic and have fun on weekends.


Speaking of fun, this afternoon I went to visit my friend Victoria. I love being with her, we can talk for hours. She made me bread with butter and strawberry jam and we caught up on our lives. I love that she and I are such good friends that her home is my home and viceversa.

Let me remind you, Joseph's wife used to be Victoria's neighbor. Victoria showed me a picture of a birthday party when she was a kid, and Joseph's wife is in the background. Victoria talked to her parents, who are still her neighbors, and they told her she had married some guy who didn't have a job "yet", and they didn't agree with the decision, but they would support her no matter what.

I told her it would have been awful if Joseph and his wife (Mr and Mrs Smith), instead of living in Joseph's parents' house, had decided to live in Mrs Smith's parents' house. You wouldn't come to visit me, Victoria said, and we joked about the lenghts we'd go to make sure it was safe for me to enter her street.

She makes me feel better about this Joseph debacle saying his wife is a little devil and that she isn't very good looking. True or not, it's always therapeutic when a girl friend of yours decides to show some solidarity, even if it's just to calm the bruised ego.

She says what Joseph did to me has no name. Sure, she just broke up with someone and her reasons were very similar to Joseph's to break up with me, in terms of compatibility and attraction. But she isn't living with someone else at the time of the break-up, and marrying this someone and having a kid with some months later.

I told her, although she already knows, that I'm devastated. And that the worst part is that he doesn't care for what he did and how he made me feel. Victoria said she doubted that, "you and him are bound to have a conversation some day". Ugh, my stomach turned at the thought. I miss him, sometimes painfully; I feel the burden of unresolved conflicts and misunderstandings; but still I hope I won't have to face him, ever.

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