Man, these two guys keep dragging me in the mud.
Sunday, 08.22.2010 - 9:04 pm.

Such a day I had yesterday: seeing my patient's mom, having lunch with my friend Lorena, meeting up with Monica to attend an indie music festival for the whole afternoon and then attending an awesome gig at the national theatre, one of the best bands in the nation.

I suppose I could have written about it last night and it would have been more than a paragraph. It was a hectic day and I loved the national theatre part the most. It was a spur-of-the-moment type of thing, I wasn't going to go. But the indie started late and what I got to attend sucked, so I needed a good dose of rock 'n' roll. I went with Victor1, his sister and her boyfriend. I drove them and that was a win-win situation because I didn't know how to get there and I love going places with various people.

I didn't hang out with Monica as much as I expected, but she's getting busy with her band and her idea of bringing bands from the neighbor country and viceversa. Hell, she'll be on a national rock radio show on tuesday, and she'll debut her band on September 18th. She'll make it big, I'm telling you.

When I had the chance to talk to her, we talked, among other things, about JC. I told her we'd met and all, and she said she was told that JC's girlfriend thinks he's cheating on her and, um...she wonders why since last year he started to get along so much with Monica and I. I got a bit nervous and mad. I didn't get involved with JC when he was with her, I know about respect and boundaries. I liked him a lot and he liked me back but there was no touchy-feely until he was single. There were feelings involved between us while he was still committed, but that was out of our control, and even so, I kept my distance to respect her.

And last night I come home and JC's poked me on FB. I'm not going to keep up with this anymore. I think I know him enough to know he's not cheating on her, but also it turns out I'm being dragged in this game and having my reputation questioned like that. I'll try my best not to pick up the phone, return e-mails, poke back. I should be clear with him on what's going on but I don't know how to approach the subject.

While we're at talking boys, guess who came to haunt me in my dreams last night? You guessed it, Joseph. I don't know if I had two dreams or one in two volumes. The first part was new to me...the second one, was the usual pattern but on a different location.

First part: somebody told me he'd moved out. I got terrified. I thought it was horrible losing track of his whereabouts. So I went to his parents' house and see if it was true. On my way there, I thought "what if it isn't true? I'll have to face him!". I got there and yes, he had moved out, with his wife, baby and...parents. All of them, to get a bigger place for his son. I returned home feeling like I'd lost him forever (like him breaking up with me and marrying and having a baby with another woman wasn't considered losing him).

Interlude: I was woken up by a storm.

Second part: I returned to my house. And there he was. In my previous dreams, I'm at his house...ok, his parents' house, since that's where he's living with his little family...I'm at his house, and we talk, I see his wife, I see his baby. A few times I've been invisible (like when I attended his wedding...can I get a LOL?) and I'm like a fly on the wall.

This time, he was watching TV in my house. He saw me, I saw him, we didn't say hi. We pretended to ignore each other, to the point of feeling invisible myself. Then I started to babysit a nephew, perhaps, but this morning, looking back on it, maybe it was his son. Anyway, I didn't know in my dream, the toddler was just there, throwing the food he didn't like.

I went to the garage for a breath. I was wondering if he was there to tell me he still loved me. In my dreams, his wife exists but is rarely there for more than a couple of seconds. I walked back into the house and I found him talking to my parents. And then, I was the invisible one again. I saw him interact with my family, when in our dating years, I'd dream of him hiding in my bedroom. And, the end.

I met up with CR this afternoon but I didn't get to talk about Joseph much. He was just a bit surprised that soon it'll be two years since he broke up with me, it doesn't feel that much, especially in terms of pain. And then, we talked how I can't win with Joseph; he always wins.

Whatever, man, I'm still kind of awesome.

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