I'm not a groupie, I'm a...you know, some girl.
Sunday, 08.29.2010 - 11:47 am.

I love hanging out with Cel. It's hard to believe it's been three years since I'd seen her. This weekend we've gone out a lot and we've been catching up. She's staying at her old house so I can't go visit her though, and I avoid picking her up. Joseph's house is across the street, about five houses away.

I saw her first on friday afternoon. We spent some time in my bedroom catching up on our lives and then we went for coffee. At the coffeehouse we had more privacy than in my house, of course, so I took the time to fill her in about my break-up with Joseph and how that still haunts me.

She had very harsh words for him. She didn't insult him, she was just very surprised how he kicked me out and pulled that stunt of getting married and having a kid. I had a new perspective with her, the one where he thought I was too much for him: a smart, pretty girl with a life plan, whereas he'd chosen to remain unemployed with a high school diploma, without a real goal in his life.

From that perspective, I feel really bad for him. And I don't deny that there was something along those lines in the long book of reasons why he dumped me. And CR has said this too. Joseph prefered to be the one to break up with me before I realized I'd outgrown him. But I still think the main reason was that he stopped being in love with me.

Cel also says Joseph is very hyperbolic. Sure, his wife walking into his life at the right moment was his Awesome Love Story for which he traded me, but he tends to fantasize and see some things with magnifying glasses. He's a Peter Pan (when I was younger, I wrote in this diary that I wanted a Peter Pan, mostly because of the flying and the carefree thing). And as many people have told me, Cel implied that I dodged a bullet.

And maybe one day I would have realized this and dumped Joseph. It'd have been even more difficult and the burden of being the heartbreaker would have nearly killed me. I love him to death, but I didn't need just an object of affection. I wanted him to grow with me and he wasn't doing it. Getting married and having a child isn't necessary a sign of maturity and adulthood.

Cel and I also talked about Art. I told her what he did to me last year. I wasn't sure of telling her because they were the It Couple in high school and I thought they were very close; I knew she'd believe me but I was a bit embarrassed. As usual, she listened to me, validated me, raged at the guy and then told me how he was actually very abusive with her during and after the relationship. He cheated on her, hurt her physically, blamed her for everything and said it was all in her head yet he still tries to make it look like one day they'll get back together. He textes her the 28th of every month, their anniversary.

That guy is sick, I'm telling you. What he did to me, and more recently did to another high school friend, he did to her for years. As Cel says, he plants a seed of possibility in every girl he's attracted to. And he won't live much longer, I think. He's a waste. He was so intelligent and wanted to be a doctor. Instead, he's heavily overweight by having too much junk food, works in retail and gets drunk everyday.

Anyway, that's just part of the things we talked about at the coffeehouse. Then we went to my house for dinner, where a boiled egg exploded in my face (really!). Afterwards, we met with a few friends from high school, a tight-knit group with Cel's best friends. I love hanging out with them, they're hilarious.

At past 9, she and I went to Lighthouse's house for his birthday party. I was so thrilled that he'd invited me, and even more so that he allowed me to bring Cel. More than a party, it was a gathering of his closest friends, with tons of whiskey and vodka and awesome snacks.

CR was there and since I didn't know any of the people there, I took refugee in him and Cel. Lighthouse was very happy that I'd made it and thanked me for showing up. He's quite a nice host. He gave me a huge glass of whiskey. I don't remember tasting whiskey before, it's kind of yucky. It's like swallowing perfume.

Cel and I knew that some people at the party were people who went to our university. The faces were familiar. A couple of guys joined us and they talked and talked. I figured some of these people must had known Joseph but ultimately, this was a different circle, so I quickly forgot about him and enjoyed myself. I never talked to Lighthouse, except for when I was leaving, but I still considered it a priviledge being there.

The most awesome part was finally meeting Lighthouse's big brother. He's the singer in one of the most respected bands in the country, the one Lighthouse, CR and I would go see almost on a monthly basis last year. He's a well-respected musician and also owns the studio I've visited a couple of times while Lighthouse rehearsed with his old band. We'd said hi before a few times but that was about it.

Cel did know him. She knows many musicians. So she and I had a conversation with him and his girlfriend/mother of his baby. I, of course, just mostly listened, but I got to have a brief conversation with him and perhaps deep down, I was starstruck. I mean, he's just a regular guy but, you know, with a lot of talent, aside from good-looking (perhaps more than lighthouse, to my standards). In the end, he invited us to come see him the next day, yesterday, at some place where he'd be playing with another band.

And indeed, Cel and I went to see him. We brought Victor1 and Victoria along. The four of us went to school together, and Cel and Victor1 have a history, a major one. We all went in my car after 5 o'clock.

The place was great but packed with high-class people getting warmed up to go get drunk to bigger places. Lighthouse's brother was playing covers but he has a great voice and you can tell he has a passion for being on stage. Victoria, Victor1 and Cel ordered beer, I ordered Smirnoff Ice. We toasted, listened to the music and laughed and talked.

I was so happy that, on a break of the band, Lighthouse's brother spotted us and came to say hi. He looked happy to see us; he's just as nice as his brother in that sense. He kissed me on the cheek and called me a pet name, keep in mind he doesn't know my name. Whatever, dude, it made me giggle inside! Yes, yes, I have a crush on him. Like I'd have a crush on a celebrity; I'm aware of the reality. Getting his attention for a minute is more than I'd ever bargained for, I'm just thankful that he recognizes my face. I just think I would love to have a guy like him in my life, i.e., a good-looking artist, preferably musician (eventually a loving father). I'm probably asking for too much but it doesn't hurt wishing for it.

After two sets, we went to Victor1, Victoria and my favorite place, a caf´┐Ż-bar near the campus of our old university. They have great sandwiches and fries and the booze is cheaper than where we were. Not like I was going to keep drinking, I ordered a soda. We were there for almost four hours. CR and Lighthouse arrived later, and three other guys came and went. It was pretty great.

I'm trying to take advantage of Cel's visit to meet new people. Cel and Monica, also Victor1, know artists of all types. I'm not an artist. I suppose among them I'd be just a talentless groupie, a passer-by, but I want to experience that world as much as I can.

So, I gotta go see what's in store for me today.

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