Great news and average news.
Saturday, 11.06.2010 - 6:33 pm.

Yesterday things seemed to change in my favor and I could barely believe it. Check it out:

- I was able to see my adolescent patient, JC's cousin, at noon. I made some very accurate remarks at the end of the session, which are bound to pay off in the next one. Plus, his aunt paid me for both sessions.

- I saw my new patient in the afternoon. It's not Parkinson's disease, it's dystonia. She lives in a big, pretty house in a nice neighborhood, but her situation nearly drove me to tears halfway through our session. But it's a very interesting case and I aced the first interview, ideal textbook therapist...I was on fire, it seems.

I spoke to her doctor this morning, he was very helpful and now I can tell which elements belong to her illness and which to her personality. It also helps to know that it's not a degenerative disease and she will recover thanks to the DBS treatment. Just not as soon as she'd like, and so my job, my and her job, is to achieve a higher quality of life while she waits. I'm so happy with this case (and it'll help a great deal paying my rent at the clinic).

- Fiiiinally, one university wrote back. I've fired e-mails to universities in Mexico, Spain and Chile and I never got a reply. But I found out there's a scholarship for Chile and while the programs they offer are not really what I want, I guess I'm not in condition to be picky and wait around any longer for something that strikes my fancy. It turns out I can apply to the program and hopefully, if I'm accepted, I'll get the letter to apply for the scholarship in time for the deadline. I don't know if I'll make it, but just having the opportunity makes me so grateful (I know, I probably wouldn't appreciate this chance so much if everything was handed to me on a silver plate...lesson learned, can I win a scholarship now?).

- I went out for pizza last night with my friends Victor2, Virginia and another awesome kid named Emilio. That is all.

- I started seeing yet another patient today, that makes three right now. She called just yesterday, she was with the colleague that left the clinic last month. I'm doing it for free; that sucks a bit but I can see she'll be in debt for over a decade and plus...I just like clinical psychology. Borderline personality all around, but I think the treatment with my colleague was in the final stages.

Now, things that will not break me down but aren't as shiny as the mentioned above:

- I saw (on FB, duh) that my friend Monica got back together with her old boyfriend, the one that was way too traditional for her. It was a surprise for me, really, but as you may remember, we haven't spoken since she became some sort of rock star, so I don't know what's been going on. I'd only heard she was living a wild life, with the partying and the drinking. My humble guess is that she missed some stability.

But in a way, I frown upon that reconciliation. Perhaps because it sounds too much like the one of JC and his girlfriend. Ok, it's a bit different: Monica's doesn't affect me. JC's made me a rebound. But it still upsets me.

And I think that what upsets me is seeing how people get second chances when that seemed impossible, and I didn't get one with Joseph. JC's break-up was nasty, Monica's was all zen and amicable but the outcome is the same: "OMG, I am actually still in love with you, even though we're so different, let's get back together!". And they made amends and I think, that must feel awesome, like putting ice on a bruise (using an ice pack, of course, kids, never apply it directly on the skin). I look at my own heart and it looks so damaged. And I resent that.

I shouldn't complain. I did get a second chance with Joseph. A year into dating, he broke up with me. We never lost touch and a month later, we got back together before seeing Madagascar and we lasted another three years and a half. But it seems I'm willing to overlook that, point at Monica and JC and say "but look at them! Look at them getting second chances! And now look at me! Joseph slammed the door right in my face and hooked up with somebody else inmediately after, if not before, dumping me (and sugar-coating it as "taking a break"; and you'll believe anything when you're in love) and even married her!".

- Speaking of Joseph, I discovered in horror that the little Magic The Gathering store he used to work at, that's a few blocks away from my house and is filled with memories of me dropping him off or picking him up, is re-opening...or at least, a new one is opening in its place, after being closed for over two years. I drove past it last night, when I was enjoying the ride with Victor2 and Virginia. I sank in the backseat while taking a peak...somebody was in the balcony. Sometimes Joseph was in the balcony.

It's just a guess, I don't know if he'll work there, to begin with. I take it as a possibility because those are the only jobs he's able to score easily, he's a master of MTG. Those stores never last more than a couple of years, at least that I can tell from the three I met while I was with him (and a fourth one even closer to my house, where he worked before I met him, that also was shut down).

The store is in the second story of a building. And when I saw the sign I thought, shit, I have to take my dog to the vet this tuesday. It sounds unrelated, but the street the building is in is the only one that takes me to me the vet. I use that street for getting to other places, but it's sporadically and at non-business hours. It's very neurotic of me to worry about these things that are even uncertain, but let me be. I'll face this fear somehow, for my dog needs her vaccines.

- Aside from that, I've been doing really well about Joseph and JC. I know CR hasn't delivered the letter (I gave him a code word to let me know and I haven't heard it) but I try not to think much of it.

Today I was lying in bed when I realized, "'s strange not feeling heartbroken 24/7". Good strange. Ok, I was never heartbroken 24/7 (at its worst, during the first weeks after Joseph dumping me, it was 21/7 because I managed to sleep about three hours every night) but very, very often, and very intensely everyday. I haven't felt so bad lately. I still think of Joseph every single day, and I probably will for the rest of my life, but it doesn't affect me anymore like it used to and I don't need to make an effort to be ok.

- Joe didn't call me to go to the movies. I'm quite indifferent about that. Perhaps a bit mad at him for giving me expectations he wasn't going to fulfill but it's ok. I would have loved if he did call, but he didn't so I'll just go on my own tomorrow. I haven't done that in a while.

- I wish I could go on a date tonight. I'll have to stay home instead. I think I could have gone out with my friend Victoria but I'm tired and I don't feel like picking her up; we'll go for coffee tomorrow.

What I really want is to get a ride (like Victor2, who is a dear and offers it most of the time we hang out) and be taken some place. There was a gig tonight but it was a bit far away and I'm not in the mood to be bargaining for wingmen/wingwomen. Next weekend there'll be a small festival at a park, I hope that will make up for this weekend.

But all in all, I'm excited to finally have the chance to hope less and try more. Wish me luck.

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