Concert at the park.
Saturday, 11.13.2010 - 11:36 pm.

Hello. I am developing carpal tunnel syndrome. Dammit. For the record, I'm only typing with my left hand. This may take a while.

I have had one of the best times in ages. But before that, I had a long day. I saw JC's mom, my patient's aunt, in the morning, and it was a tough session that left me disillusioned. I came back home and returned to the clinic in the afternoon to see another patient. She's fun, but also, borderline. She said some things that caused me to lose focus on her and start thinking of Joseph. Not cool.

What came after that was too awesome for words. I picked up my friend Lorena and we went to a very well-known park. Every saturday of november there's a concert with several bands, for free. I met with my friend Virginia there.

Virginia is a rare breed. So is Lorena. I introduced them to each other and I watched the magic happen. They hit it off so well, glad to find another woman with so much knowledge and hilarity (in a country so fond of gender stereotypes, it's difficult). Above all, someone who has read so much and enjoys good grammar and spelling.

It was like a tiny Woodstock. For a free event, not many people were there. It was great nonetheless. Lorena bought us ice cream and I bought four bottles of bubbles with cantonese text (as especified by Virginia; I would have, generically, considered it "chinese") for one dollar. We sat on the grass and watched throughout the concert:

- A homeless man dancing, even pulling off a "singing in the rain" move in a light pole.

- Another homeless man, with the looks of Sadam Hussein, headbanging and sporting a huge toothless grin.

- A man with a marijuana leaf tattoo above his elbow.

- A guy sitting alone for a long, long time before wandering off, alone, that Virginia named ForeverAlone (after the internet meme, much to my joy).

- A man sleeping with his head rested on a sack.

- Lots of foreigners.

- A beautiful day, sunset, evening, with half-moon included.

Joe was there, with a girl. I didn't mind and he came to say hello to Lorena and me, the three of us know each other from the university (although we studied different careers). After a brief chat, Lorena told him "go back to your lady" and he looked at me and said "she's not my lady". But he did spend the whole time with her and gave her a kiss when it was his turn on stage. His jazz band was the last to perform, when it was dark. His band is just delightful.

How did I feel? Man, I was just happy and free, I didn't care about Joe; wait, I cared...I laughed at him, in a friendly way; as in, I think that girl is one of his "for-a-while's" and a topic of conversation when we have one again. I'm still attracted to him a little bit but nothing happened between us, nothing will, and that's ok. It was a beautiful day, I was outdoors in a park listening to great bands, with two awesome, smart girls who are my friends. And seeing people of all kinds, which itself is a trip. We ended the night at a caf´┐Ż-bar for dinner, with mindblowing conversations.

I'm getting annoyed at typing with one hand, but for the record, I dreamed of Joseph. Nothing like the usual dream pattern with him: it was a very long dream, more like a movie. It took days. He came looking for me and needed my help. I refused, I had no business with him anymore.

There was a guy who said Joseph and his wife owed him $35,000. He needed my help to prove that wasn't true. I gave him contacts, I recommended to him friends of mine that would get him out of it. I was some sort of Godfather. I'm not sure, I think I got to see him with his wife and baby, I even went to his house (and this time, he wasn't living with his parents). He got out of that supposed debt and even his wife came to look for me just to thank me. I remember being bitter over Joseph being married and all, but also I knew it was in my hands to help him/them and didn't require much.

Just last night I was thinking, for the first time ever, that I wish I hadn't been an obstacle between Joseph and whoever he loves. Perhaps it's the closest I've been to saying, "I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me", although as I type this, I don't quite feel that way.

In fact, I realized: I miss him. Every day. I miss him so much.

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