Monday, 12.20.2010 - 11:40 pm.
Q and I went to see Joe's band play. The place was nearly empty when we got there and Joe was at the entrance. I introduced both guys to each other and told Joe that we wouldn't be neighbors anymore, since I quit my job as of December 20th (today). He was very happy for me, although he seemed sorry about not being close to go have lunch here and there. But we still can.
I found it funny that Joe walked with Q and I to the table and even sat with us. But it was great. Joe and I were catching up on our lives, occasionally explaining Q some things to fill him in. At some point, Joe asked what Q and I were, "so, are you coworkers..."...and we just said he was a friend of a guy, I was a friend of a girl and this guy and girl were siblings and we met at their party. Then Joe left to set up the instruments. Q and I had a lot of time to talk before the band begun.
Q's and my places to hang out are completely different, so it was kind of new to him to go to such a bohemian place and hear a local band playing original music. Joe's band is so, so good and I think at first Q couldn't quite believe that what he was listening to wasn't a cover.
I'd look at Joe. I'm very fond of him and, in a way, glad to have the history, or rather non-history we happen to have together. We're not so close or see each other often, but I consider him a friend. I'll always have a crush on him, I suppose, he's so talented and funny. But I don't need anything else from him.
As the night progressed, I was more and more attracted to Q. I decided to kiss him at the end of the night. This was our third date but the time felt right. I didn't have to make a move, though, apparently he was thinking the same thing. So when he took me home past 11 (I'm such a good girl, even when my parents are not around), we kissed good night. I thought it was going to be a shy thing, but it lasted several minutes. And then an encore.
I was happy when I walked into the house, but 20 minutes later I had no rush left. I was very apathetic and that scared me. It scared me more the next morning, when I woke up and realized I had dreamed of making out, maybe even having foreplay, with Joe.
However, after a close examination of all this, I got over it. I still liked Q, and I thought about him the entire morning. I was even looking forward to seeing him in the afternoon. As for Joe...it is what it is and I feel great about that. I always had this tingly feeling when he was around but I didn't last night. We've come a long way, and by now I know where we're both standing. I was scared by the dream with him at first, but I was relieved to discover that it didn't make me long for him in my waking life. I suppose it was my unconscious' way of getting him out of my system.
Q came to my house to watch The Big Bang Theory. He didn't get into it, we only watched the first two episodes. The rest was pretty much making out on the couch. He's quite the explorer, if you know what I mean. We didn't get too far, though, because I'm in "those days" and because, after all, M, the housekeeper, was in my house. She didn't come around the living room (I feel really bad that she spent the whole afternoon in her bedroom) but, you know...I still didn't feel comfortable, for us and for her. He understood.
It wasn't just making out. We had a very honest conversation. It was cute that he asked me what it felt to have a period and how I got during those days. Then we talked a little about strong subjects, like past boyfriends and girlfriends, cutting (he saw my arm), drugs, abortion and safe sex...our conversation was interrupted by a phone call to him, and we spent some time in shock because the call was about a friend of a friend that had been raped last night. Those things make me dizzy.
Anyway. I was happy to learn that he's as paranoid as I am about the consequences of sex, particularly pregnancy. From the way things are going, I think we will get to intercourse some day, but in order to do that, we'll have to use more than one method of protection. I told him briefly about my past boyfriends and a little bit about Joseph, but I never mentioned his name. I just explained him he went beyond breaking my heart, how he pretty much made me become the person I am now, and the trouble we had when it came to sex, because I wanted protection and he didn't.
So I've been getting to know Q since Thursday. I've seen him everyday since that day, so while it does seem like we're moving fast if you see it from the outside, from inside the relationship it makes a lot of sense and it feels natural. Just yesterday afternoon we were together for five hours straight. I consider him my boyfriend, I have since date two, when we went to the Italian restaurant, but we have never touched that subject...I suppose I should ask him if we're exclusive, but I dare to say he's not the type of guy that likes to get busy with more than one girl at the time. He's a very nice guy.
In fact, he felt the need to tell me he once did drugs: weed, hashish. I know that when you meet my friends the topic will come out, so I just wanted you to know that. Aw. I suppose he was scared I'd then say "why didn't you tell me?!". I'm not that kind of person, and I wouldn't think any less of him for doing them (hell, Lighthouse and CR love weed), but I appreciate his intentions to be honest from the start. After all our talking yesterday, I'm only concerned about how fast he loses weight and how skinny he is.
We made out to music. "Crazy" came on. I never made out with Joseph to Aerosmith music, I think, and that was wrong of me, considering both of them were my world at the time. I wondered if I was giving this special moment and place to someone else. I replied with "I think I think too much". I shut my thoughts down, listened to the music and kept on kissing him.
CR and Lighthouse and I went for dinner. I excused myself with Q and he was cool with it. We still need a while to meet each other's friends.
When I showed to the place, only Lighthouse was there. He was way happier than usual, because he finally had a stereo in his car. He told me about that, about his new job at a school, teaching animation and design to children. For what he told me, I don't think he's going to be that good of a teacher, at least in terms of establishing a relationship with his pupils. But hey, you never know. It was cool hearing him about how happier he is now that he is working on his field (animation, not children), his aspirations and all that.
CR showed up and we ordered our food. We spent some time the three of us...I can't tell you how much those moments mean to me. Then Lighthouse said he was going to pick up a friend of his that was going to join us. He left, and it was just CR and me. I almost missed it when he said:
I delivered the letter.
I got this huge, painful pit in my stomach. I said "thank you" with a grin and changed subject. That was all I needed to know. Then CR returned to the subject but only said he had no reply from Joseph, but could give me impressions. About that time, Lighthouse returned. I don't care for the impressions. Joseph got the letter that contained all the words that finally made me heal.
Lighthouse brought a girl, an old-time friend, and her husband and her husband's sister. They were from London, and the husband's name was Cedric. I just mention it because I thought it was pretty cool. We had a great conversation and their accent was lovely.
They were going to keep partying, but I decided to come home. I was a bit tired and I still had to work the next day. I gave my two boys their presents. They were moved and said they'd call me before I left on Thursday to get together. Who knows if they will, but I appreciate the intention.
My last day at work. My coworkers showered me with Christmas gifts (I made sure they got theirs last week). I had this weird feeling in the center of my heart, this is the last time I'm working in reception. But I couldn't feel sad. I didn't think I'd miss my bosses and coworkers that much, although they have my undying respect and appreciation, for the things they've gone through (most of them are land mine survivors) and for the work they do. The Finance Manager made a face that broke my heart when I handed him the keys to my desk. I think I was a big support for him, emotionally, in that crazy NGO.
We had our Christmas lunch. I'm more than ok with this phase of my life coming to an end. In the middle of it, I got a phone call. The Embassy of Chile will be interviewing me tomorrow regarding the scholarship. Oh, my God.
Tonight, Q and I went to eat a burger (Lord knows he needs one or two). He came from the office and I'd been home for most of the afternoon, and you could tell that from our outfits; I said people can tell who goes to work and who's a slacker. He replied, well, it's good that one of us is on vacation and enjoying life. I don't know, I thought that answer was very sweet.
After dinner we returned home and we, um...it was good. Really, really good. I can see this "liking" turning into "loving", though it's been only a week since I met him. We spent a couple of hours on the couch, making out hardcore, in several positions, with the Red Hot Chili Peppers playing in the background (he has great taste in music). Have I mentioned he goes to the gym? The fucker knows how to hold me. And while he looks geeky, he loses that look and attitude when he's on top, takes off his glasses, and I mess with his hair (which is so damn soft, man, how does he do that? Also, would it be wrong of me to compare? Fuck it, I'm allowed to: Joseph's hair was so dry and stiff).
"What are you thinking?", he asked at some point when we were taking a break to breathe. It's been only five days and I already have you between my legs (I had them wrapped around his legs and waist; it's gonna hurt tomorrow). "It does not feel like five days at all, it feels much longer than that". True. And also, he's already mentioned my name to his family.
Over two hours went by, and I can't give you the dirty, dirty details because it's not lady-like (ah, teh lulz). We discovered that it was much later than we thought and he had to go. He got all tidied up and returned to his impeccable image: glasses, hair neatly combed, shirt tucked... I stared at him when he came out of the bathroom. Like nothing happened, I said proudly. Nothing happened, he assured me. And after that, he left my house like a gentleman who would only dare to kiss my hand.
- Left a job I hated: check.
- Joseph knows how I feel and my healing is as good as it can be: check.
- The real chance to win a scholarship: check.
- An awesome -for lack of better word- boyfriend: check.
Does it sound like I have it all? Oh, yes. This perfect balance will be interrupted when I get on a plane on Thursday. But that doesn't matter. For this moment, I am complete, and I'm enjoying every second of this.
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