The useless scare of a good, responsible girlfriend.
Saturday, 01.22.2011 - 112:01 pm.

I'm writing this from my new, smaller laptop that my parents brought me from Houston. It was significantly cheaper in the US, and I'm almost done paying them back for it. The old one (bought in December '08, caught in the tornado of my "break" with Joseph) goes to Nephew #3, who is incredibly happy about finally getting his own laptop. With Ubuntu! I'll miss Linux but I need Windows to make my comic strips.

Ok, yeah, my parents are back home, they returned on thursday. I'm always a little sad about losing the freedom that comes from them being abroad. It's a lot of small things I get to do -boyfriend or no boyfriend- and they add up. But I love my parents, you know, and one day they won't be around anymore, so I have to enjoy everyday I get to have them.

My birthday was on wednesday, it was wonderful. My friend Virginia got me a very used copy of an old book we used in elementary school (she went to my school, but she's two or three years younger than me). I was blown away; it's was a used copy because they don't make those books anymore, it's quite a treasure. I had coffee with her and my friend Victor1, and seeing them always make my day.

Then I had pizza. Q showed up with me. Then, of course, Lighthouse and CR (who almost didn't make it, I'm glad he did). Then Victoria with her new boyfriend. And then my friend Michelle with her kinda sorta boyfriend, Victoria's big brother. I'd never been into celebrating my birthday, and I was a bit concerned about the guests feeling comfortable with one another.

But it was great! They all got along and everybody was talking to their neighbor and everybody had fun, aside from having an awesome pizza. I loved this birthday.

On thursday night, I earned major girlfriend points by attending Q's father book release. The book is about how he met his wife...I have my copy but I have yet to start it. I didn't hear a word because Q and I were busy with his doll-like toddler niece and then the room was too packed to even get in. I helped carrying books and in general I stood by his side, or waited patiently when he had to fulfill his duties as son of the author.

That day, thursday, my period arrived. I had never been so paranoid about being pregnant, and believe me, I'd had my scares with Joseph to the point of buying a home test. But this time, since we're actually pretty good at sex, regardless of our protection, I was kinda sorta certain that something was going on.

Every early morning of this week until thursday, I'd wake up terrified and not being able to go back to sleep. I thought so much about what I'd do, horrified by the idea of getting an abortion (if not here, in the States, or even in Sweden, where my friend Michelle lives) but also, after a careful evaluation, certain that it was the best way to go. I had cramps on and off everyday and since nothing happened afterwards, I feared they were implantation cramps. At some point I decided I was going to keep the baby and I felt so at peace, until I broke down (in my head) because that'd make me bitter.

Q assured me I wasn't pregnant. We'd done everything by the book. And looking at the facts calmed me down. It was a relief getting the period but also made me realize, I need an appointment with a gyno. I've only gone once and it was so excruciatingly painful (I screamed, I sobbed) that I haven't gone ever since, and that was like three or four years ago. I need to get over that and, hey, maybe now that I'm more familiar with my own lady parts and how they work together with my mind, I may be able to face the examination better.

Now that I have the period, I'm getting ready to use a second form of contraception. I love being so responsible and I love having a boyfriend that is the same. One of the things that would make me consider keeping the baby was that I have no doubt that he would make a great father. I guess, in a way, I feel more secure with him than with Joseph.

Joseph. I haven't thought much about him since my last crisis. Well, I have, a lot, but without emotion and without revisiting the events. Yesterday, when moving my files from the old computer to the new one, I saw the few pictures I took of him. To my surprise, I wholeheartedly smiled. I finally felt this soft spot for him in my heart. He looks great in the pictures, but...I was ok. I didn't feel the need to "have him".

Last night, Q met my parents. I didn't introduce him as my boyfriend, but he brought me a dozen white red-edged roses for my birthday (OMG, AAAWWW!) and that probably was self-explanatory. My dad was really nice to him as he shook his hand and my mom was a sweetheart, commenting how much she loves roses; she prepared them and put them in a vase, which is right next to me, on the living room table, as I write this.

Q and I left my house after a while; my dad seemed a little worried by me going out but that's nothing unusual. I told Q to make a good impression by bringing me home at 11 and he complied. We made the most out of our night and I managed to maintain my image of good girl. Which I am.

Oh, I don't think that going to a motel makes me a bad girl. Unless you think that a girl being sexual is a bad thing. It's my second time in a still feels tacky at first but when you look at the benefits, in terms of privacy and comfort, it's a good deal.

We tried the motel we went to last week, but it was full (of course, friday night). We found another one that I liked a bit more than the first one. Unfortunately, only a room with a jacuzzi (LOL) was available; it was more expensive and we didn't even get to use it.

But it was worth it. His upper body is mind-blowing, or maybe his whole body is, and the sillhouetes I got to see in the mirror in a flash would have made an incredible photograph. Most importantly, never in my life I'd felt what I felt with him. So that's what a human-induced orgasm feels like. Fascinating.

Such heavenly deed aside, at some point I thought "I love this man". He's winning me over, I'm telling you.

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