Wednesday, 07.27.2011 - 3:27 pm.
It was a crazy weekend. The party and the entertaining guests and the trip to a small town for lunch at a friend of Andrew's house. At some point I was tired of not having time to myself but was it really my right to complain? I met people, I met places, I had fun. It was a bit exhausting, me being a loner and all, but every once in a while it's pretty cool.
Meanwhile, my life continues running smoothly. I had my Pilates class last night and as usual, on my way home I was thinking how incredibly lucky and blessed I am for having all I have. I came home satisfied with my work-out but also smiling out of gratefulness. Andrew noticed my smile, I told him why: I'm living the dream of studying abroad, getting paid for it, my family and friends are ok (however far away from me), I have chances to travel, and I have the wonderful man that he is and a home of my own. Is there anything else I could ask for?
I mean, yes, but we'll get there.
Andrew is amazing. Our relationship is wonderful. The sex is the best I've ever had. We make a great team, from working together on university assignments to grocery shopping (last time, he said he was on board with me when it comes to trying to reduce our meat intake, for health's sake mostly. I know meat has benefits and I don't think it's unnatural that we eat it. But I'm so revolted by all the animal suffering and abuse behind my every bite that I try to stay away from it).
It's pretty much like being married. But I don't complain. I had doubts at the beggining of the relationship, but looking back, I had them with Joseph, too. By now I think it was just my period of adjustment. It's been four months only but I'm getting certain that I want to spend my life with Andrew, I want him to meet my country, I want to live in different places with him...
Last night we watched Going The Distance and, funnily enough, he was very worried about what may happen to us when I have to return to my homeland (say, we don't have the resources for him to come with me, or our professional choices keep us apart). I worry, too, but I try not to think much about it for now. It's not time yet.
Changing subject, I dreamed of Joseph a couple of nights ago. By now I can't tell you if I still think about him everyday or not. Every now and then I remember our life together and I feel this aching for going back to his bedroom and be with him. But I wouldn't trade what I have right now, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Joseph had (has?) the image of a bad guy, a rock star, and the attitude to go with it. And that's it. Andrew is the guy I really longed for. Allow me to be cheesy: he's like Justin Long in Going The Distance (or in He's Not That Into You...does he always make progressive romantic comedies? I approve). A plainly good guy, knowledgeable, thoughtful, smart, hilarious. I need no more.
In my dream, Joseph followed me around and I refused to acknowledge his presence. Although the context is entirely different, that premise is the same as the one in my dream about Art/JC. If we're going to get technical about it, I suppose it's my way to repair my bruised ego, thinking they still want something to do with me but I'm too busy living a better life. I'm aware that, in reality, I'm a distant memory, if a memory at all, for them. But like I said, it repairs my ego. Their memory is something to be haunted about but...it isn't.
Tomorrow is perhaps the only day off for Andrew and for me and we're making a schedule. Maybe go to the mapuche museum or the train museum where poet Pablo Neruda used to play as a child. Andrew had this week off, winter break, but he had to run some errands and I had to work on my essay for my elective class on Torture and the Istanbul Protocol. Next week will be my only real vacation since I'm here, as in "no classes and no reports pending", but even so, next week the new semester starts. Can't complain, though. I get paid for this.
And in a few hours, he and I will take our friend Celeste to the bookstore/coffeeshop I love, for her birthday.