Saturday, 09/28/02 - 4:40 pm.
I'd never been let down enough to get to the point of considering to turn into a lesbian.
Simeon says I might as well become asexual, having in mind I'm almost done with boys and girls....well, if you went into the girls' room you'd understand.
I once told Vic that I might become a lesbian.
- Cool. Invite over to watch some time.
A few days later, I told Denver I was seriously considering such possibility.
- Cool, can I watch some time?
I don't know if that's the general feeling of the male collectivity. But it's pretty stupid. I'll invite them over one day to watch, but I'll get two gay males to perform in front of them, and they then can ask me to invite them over "to watch" again some other time. Up to the present time, I haven't gotten a more masculine answer than "hey, can I watch?".
(for the record, I asked Denver about it hoping he'd tell me something like "no, because you have to be with me" or at least "is that so, darling? then let's get down right now!" -because, as I may have mentioned, almost every male in my senior high pretends to be the kind of gays that consider themselves a woman..and that's cute, I tell you-)
Since my parental units are out of town, I slept in their king size bed. But the size of it made me feel uncomfortable at first (I don't like where this is going...). I've seen a given image a couple of times, and I couldn't stop thinking of the phrase below it: this bed is too big just for me. That's when I started thinking of my relationships...and sexual tendencies.
- Voice: you gotta admit, those girls on "Wild On" were just hot.
- Me: Sure.
- Voice: Wouldn't you wish...?
- Me: To have a body like that one?...no, thanks. I would't like to be considered a pair of boobs stuck to a female human body.
- Voice: I'm not talking about that...
- Me: You mean the girl? Yeah, she's fine. I might consider fucking her.
But honestly, I'll pass. I don't need to have what I have twice. It's like....like....like...I don't know like what, but a vagina can't fit in a vagina....if you want to see it from that perspective.
Hey, in this world...there are nothing but possibilities...
Thank you for reminding us, Simeon.
But you know what I mean. Long story short, after 5 minutes (I have a fast train of thought) I got to the conclusion that I really don't want to become a lesbian, and I fell asleep. And I dreamed of my dentist coming to my house to pull my wisdom teeth out. For free.
Have I mentioned I got all, all of The Beatles albums? My junior high science teacher got me a CD Rom with the entire collection....every album, every song. They were great, indeed. Those were the days. I do wish I had the records, not just a CD Rom...I hate being from this generation. Everything is fake, everything is digital, everything fades away so quickly, everything is material and you can sell yourself for 20 bucks in I Bet You Will...everything, in essence, sucks.
I blame it on my period for thinking a lot about boys lately. Not in a sexual way, it's more like a Why, God?...why? way. I thought of the boys in my life (without counting my 48-hour crushes, that is): the first one was a popular boy (never more than just friends). The second never told me. The third told me and ran away. The fourth (The Guy)...you know the heartbreaking-with-a-happy-soul-searching-ending story. And the fifth and last (Denver)...you know the heartbreaking, sucks to be you story. I didn't do anything. They never let me do anything about us. In the end, they always rejected me as a part of us. So it was more like you and me sometimes, never us (with no time specification).
It's some kind of behavior pattern, some kind of pathological tendency of mine or just bad luck. But whatever it is, in words of Vic: fuck it all. Because I have a dog and she rocks my liver off.
- Voice: Simeon, why don't hens have boobs?
- Voice:...because roosters don't have hands.
[let me put it this way...Simeon is Gizmo and the voices in my head are the rest of the Gremlins]