The gift of time. The gift of Andrew.
Wednesday, 03.07.2012 - 7:41 pm.

I could sit, feeling embarrassed and small, over all the free time I have. Indeed, I'm on a scholarship for a master's degree that also pays for my monthly living expenses, when my classes are only three days per month and I already took all classes last year; now I'm just working on my thesis and will take a couple of elective classes. By said scholarship, I'm not allowed to work but I could've very well find volunteering opportunities.

I could do that. But you know what's the thing that most writers lack? Time. Time to write, to do their research about that thing they're writing on. I may not have a lot of talent, but I have time to work on improving my writing skills and create something.

The book is coming along and it's forced me to read all entries since October 2009 to February 2011. It's been excruciating and painful, some months more than others, but I'm building something here. That period in itself is very interesting (could be that it's just a bias, since it's my life), a journey of self-improvement that begins with an ending and ends with a beggining. Something that, hopefully, will be worth reading by many, and will have stories and emotions that people can relate to.

I was watching this TED talk today, how storytelling is all about making the audicence care for what you're saying. I don't think I've gotten there yet but I will, I must. Last week I read all those entries, this week I'm translating and thinking of ways to approach and reshape the story. Baby steps, but solid ones, as far as I can tell.

So, yes, I feel like I've been given a gift and I'm thankful for it. I still feel in debt with society, I still have a lot to give back. But I've been given the chance to work on a craft I like and to exorcise my demons. I am taking that chance.

***

Andrew. Where do I begin. Next week is our first year anniversary. One year together!

He is the man I always wished for, the one I didn't think I would ever come across. Every morning I'm happy to wake up next to him, especially when he puts his arm around me in his sleep. My heart is filled with love for him, for the witty, geeky, smart, caring, committed, hard-working man he is.

I enjoy every second I am with him, and I can't help but secretly pout when we have to be apart. He adores me and takes me in his arms for no reason other than being in love with me. He cooks for me and seems to consider I look ravishing even in my PJs. We can talk about science and comics, about how our day was and how we are and how our house will be.

Last week he was looking at the tattoo on my back and told me to get some moles checked. Certainly, I have some irregular dots all over my body that weren't there years ago. I made an appointment and he offered to come with me. I appreciated it so much, because I didn't want to go alone but I knew he had to work. He's been nervous about the appointment and last night he told me to take care of myself, because he wanted me around for a long time. Sometimes I think I'm overreacting to this thing on my skin, but he and I say, it doesn't hurt to get checked, does it?

He makes me insanely happy. I'm afraid I don't call him the love of my life because I already called someone that. But there's no need to. Andrew is that wonderful relationship I thought I had, but without all the insecurities. In that past relationship, I felt we still needed to grow up, and I wondered if he'd really take me seriously on some issues, if he could at least fake some interest on things that were important to me, and if he'd be a real partner when the time came to build and sustain a home. I don't have those doubts with Andrew. With him I feel safe, taken care of, even if I don't know what's happening next year when the scholarship is up.

God, I'm so in love with him, and proud of him for the good-hearted person that he is. To me, to anyone. Even if he passes as cynical sometimes, he has a heart of gold. I'm so grateful for making it to a year with him and hope to have many more to come. I remember how bitter how was over the guys who hurt me celebrating anniversaries with the girls they overlapped me with. But I have my man now. And if I had to go through those assholes again to find Andrew, I'd do it. My history brought us together, and will keep us together.

He's a gift as well. I will cherish and take care of him forever.

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