Monday, 05.20.2013 - 8:41 pm.
The night before may 17th, I dreamed that Joseph wrote me something along the lines of "I have no idea how you are, I've been asking [a high school friend of mine that he never met IRL] about you". The other part of the dream was me trying to get him a Happy Meal toy. I have no idea.
But Andrew was in the dream, too. I've noticed since the last two or three weeks that he is in my dreams every night. Every. Night. We're always together, whatever adventure I'm on, good or bad, he's on it, too. He is a part of me, no doubt about it. I'm ok with this.
But I remember the date of the dream about Joseph because that date used to be our anniversary. I am doing so well on this subject though. I think of him often, but just him. I don't miss him but I find myself wishing he knew how awesome I am now, and that I'm doing cool stuff and that I look good, I think. Ocassionally I remember the nasty stuff and I know I'd feel bad if I cared a little more. But I don't care much. Not emotionally. I care enough to remember our anniversary but then I move on.
ALSO! FUCKING SHIT! FUCKING SHIT! FUCKING SHIT! That same day, I learned that THE dream of my life came true: AEROSMITH IS PLAYING IN MY HOME COUNTRY!!! AND I WILL NOT BE THERE!!! THEY'VE ALWAYS HATED ME LIKE THAT!!!
Figures. I find them at 12 years old, I become obssessed, I pray every night for them to play in my country. Hell, I got a Dland diary named "to-aerosmith" just to write about my love for them until I gave up. But then I saw them in 2006 by chance (I was with my elbows on the stage, I could have touched the guys if I hand't frozen, but I think I didn't absorb that experience as much as I should have). Then I travelled by bus for 48 hours in 2010 to see them again.
Fuck, I even started this diary because an Aerosmith search led me to DLand! It even says so on the title of my very first entry: Hi, I'm writing here because I was doing an engine search for Aerosmith e-mail adress (sic).
A guy I know wrote me last month saying Aerosmith was coming. He knew because he was in charge of designing the poster for the concert but I was to keep quiet. I did wish it wasn't true. Then it turned out it was, October 4th. I got angry, people celebrating on Facebook and Twitter and I was like, no, you don't fucking deserve this (except for the two compatriots, father and son, that also travelled -by plane- for the 2010 concet. They're alright). You know "Crazy", "IDWTMAT", "Dream on" and "Sweet Emotion" if you're lucky. I own their full discography on CD, plus DVDs and books and shirts and scrapbooks I put together over the years and VHS tapes and cassettes and what about my bedroom wall with that giant black and white poster of a stoned Steven Tyler in the 70's and two more posters of the band. YOU DON'T GET TO GO, YOU DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT! I DO! I PRAYED FOR THIS TO HAPPEN FOR OVER A DECADE!!!
Dude, I prayed. Hard.
Regardless, what can I do? It's a silly thing, I know. I can only be comforted by the fact that a lot of people tweeted me or posted on my wall, knowing I was the first and biggest Aerosmith fan they've ever known. And hell, it's not like Aerosmith will know any of this so what does it matter? I can only pray they'll include Chile in the tour so at least I will be able to say that I saw them in North, Central and South America. USA, Costa Rica and Chile. Wouldn't that be something?
It wouldn't. No one cares but my bruised ego. Still, fuck them casual fans, fans by opportunity. I'm a true Blue Army member, I am! *shakes fist*
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