A trip in the near future, a dream about the past, etc.
Saturday, 06.22.2013 - 12:42 pm.

Suddenly, it's been a week and a half with no updates. This diary should have it easier than the rest of my blogs, since I talk about my personal life and I don't need to come up with anything too ellaborated, but it suffers all the same.

I look back on the first years of this diary, when I was a teenager with an existential crisis and I'd write about that. I didn't talk about the things I did because I didn't quite do anything. I do things now but I don't consider them worth discussing because I'm mostly in front of a computer and playing out routines by myself or with Andrew. It's boring to talk about but let it be known, I'm digging my life.

I'll talk about the things that stand out from my routine this week, yes?

1. I'll be getting paid more! Because I'll be working more. About this: it's been so long since I've been able to walk into a bookstore and buy literature for myself. I have a kindle and lots of free books but I have a hard time reading in it. My attention weakens. I appreciate reading articles (and blog/Dland entries) that otherwise I'd have to read on the computer. It's not the case with books.

2. Andrew's birthday was last week. Minus a few twitches, it went pretty well. He didn't mind the twitches and I thought it was amazing how he was just very appreciative of the moment. The place I'd picked for our dinner was closed, we walked under the rain to meet at a bar with friends and at the bar we barely raised enough cash to pay because they currently weren't accepting debit and cards. I didn't care for the second (it was fun), but the first and the third made me feel bad because when Andrew plans something it goes smoothly and I wanted the same for him. Still, he didn't seem bothered about anything for a second. And we did have a good dinner somewhere else.

3. We are going to Punta Arenas! Way south in the Strait of Magellan. Nearly the Antartict. I'm so fucking excited. Andrew and I are attending a psychology congress in november. The plane tickets and lodging is on the research project and Andrew is co-researcher is a no brainer that he's going. Me, I do have to come up with an exposition to justify the fact that they're sending me but it's doable.

4. I talk to my parents twice a week, one on the phone, one via Skype so I can see them. I ocassionaly talk to my siblings. And I can't wait for my sister to come visit in september. Her trip is getting closer and I twist out of joy *twists*.

5. It's been a month since Andrew's grandmother passed away. The grandfather says "I've had a good life" and other things like he's planning on going soon, too. I hope not too soon. I hope he'll be around to meet my sister, at least. Andrew's friends from work gave him a white rose at the funeral. I planted it in a pot next to the one plant we have. I didn't think it'd last more than a week or so tops, but it hasn't withered at all. It's still white and soft. Unbelievable (and yet easy to explain).

6. I dreamed of Joseph. We were dating (!) but we only interacted via MSN Messenger. I think I had invited him to a family trip and he couldn't make it or didn't want to go. I don't remember much and I'm pleasantly surprised to find that I don't care. I guess this is the last stage of the evolution of dreaming with Joseph: we're together again.

My dreams about him have now reached a point of absurdity and I can't take them seriously anymore. I was moved by the past concepts: he's trying to get in touch with me, to know how I am (because a part of me wishes he did, but mostly wishes he's plagued with guilt and awareness over what he did to me; and that's not possible). I also dreamed last night that I was at a festival and I was worried/certain he was going to show up but meh. Sometimes I replay an scene from the time he dumped me and I see myself crying but overall I consider myself healed and carefree. It's been nearly five years and honestly, I didn't think I'll recover so much.

Since I started talking about the research project I remembered all the things I have to do. I should get to it. See you next time!

prev / next