"Where the fuck were you in '79?"
Thursday, 09.19.2013 - 11:47 pm.

I'm just coming in quickly to say that Aerosmith is playing in my home country next week, and as the date approaches, I get increasingly bitter about it. I've been a rabid, true Blue Army member since 1997 and for some reason it upsets seeing all the hype.

It's not quite envy. I've seen them, twice. I was lucky to catch them in Houston once (I could have touched Steven Tyler's feet if I hadn't frozen), and the second time I chased after them in a round-trip of 48 hours by bus to Costa Rica. I guess this is how it feels like when you've liked something for so long and so passionately and so loyally and then suddenly everybody is a fan and they get the object that you adore and you don't.

I've seen a few acquaintances upload the pictures of their tickets. I get angry. Is it a self-referencial thing? Is it that I wish people knew I was here before them? Maybe. I think so. And quite frankly, I deserve it. I could even let myself go on a delusional trip and say that Aerosmith came because of me, all that positive energy I projected for over a decade. I laugh at the thought but for a few seconds, I pretend so. And I get angrier.

It's embarrasing to get this angry over such a thing, I know. I'd be embarrased if I got caught spilling my guts at this people, saying "you're just a circumstantial fan, you didn't face the coming-of-age dilemma of choosing between buying their albums and a giant-sized Elmo doll". I could let my anger show and make the biggest fool out of myself.

Hey, at least my parents get it and -bless their hearts- they are saving each blurb they find in the newspapers about the concert. I know some people from school remember I was an aero-head and that flatters me. For some reason, I think of Joseph and I imagine him mocking me, if he remembers my preferences at all, saying something like, "oh, they finally come and she'll miss them, haha". I can picture him being mean, because I saw him being mean to other people a thousand times (I digress: I dreamed of him a few days ago. We were kinda sorta getting back together but I wasn't sure he really wanted that. I felt nothing when I woke up, except peace for feeling nothing).

So there you go, I'm bitter about this. I'm still hopeful I'll get to meet them one day but I also think I ran out of luck. I've only had it once, when they played in Houston when I was there. But before that there was a list of failures and after that, I had to work really hard to see them again. So hell, not having luck has been the story of my life with this band. This is the cherry on top.

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