Wednesday, 04.30.2014 - 9:11 pm.
Huh. I've been neglectful of this diary for two weeks, that's a record. The saddest thing is I let this happen. I am very busy but I'm supposed to be the one who makes my own time, right?
But I work all day! Everyday. And during the weekends! So does Andrew. The worst days are from sunday to wednesday, when we prepare and teach classes, I hate those days. We're doing a great job supporting each other, we take turns on making meals and other stuff, but we barely get to talk at night those days. The rest of the week is better though and we make up for all that time. So I guess I souldn't complain, we're coming along.
Well, I do complain: I will not get paid this month either, as it happened with february. I wait for three paychecks (well, electronic transfers) and it won't be until june when I'll have a stable pay. It's a good thing I love what I do and I can go on for longer without seeing money, but one has cats to feed and weddings to pay for. And sometimes I get desperate, to be honest. I feel like I work so much for nothing.
Wait, I said wedding. The wedding planning is coming along nicely, both here and there. Andrew and I bought our plane tickets to go to my home country in july and there we'll have a small get-together with the closest friends and family.
We're not having a religious wedding but we will have a ceremony to bless our wedding bands. It'll be at a tiny chapel that has a lot of meaning to me. Historically, it relates to an important religious figure whose message is what keeps my faith afloat (he was murdered for political reasons, precisely for the things he said). And personally, because that's where I went to volunteer for a couple of months, pretty much just to hang out with terminal cancer patients. It was heartbreaking everyday but I won five dollars playing lotto with one of the patients.
My family has helped me and everything's almost ready. Just what I wanted: something small that wasn't too expensive and too complicated to put together (for my sister and parents, who are the ones making it happen).
Speaking of my family, my dad got vertigo. I asked him if it could run in the family, since I got the same thing last year; he said one of his sisters also has it. It breaks my heart to hear how often he or my mom have to go the doctor or the hospital for check-ups. Luckily it's nothing serious. My mom remains cancer free but she has other health conditions, not as serious but still very uncomfortable and painful. My dad wrote me yesterday and he casually mentioned he'd take a cab to go get his medicines for the vertigo. And it hit me. It hits me here and there, how they slowly lose their agency. In little things, but still. He's not the guy to drive around running errands anymore.
Sometimes I think of my family, particularly my parents, and I want to cry, instantly. Sometimes I think of my cat Nena and wonder how her life turned out after leaving our home when my mom got cancer, and I cry, instantly. I'm terribly sensitive to these subjects. I'm thankful my family and friends are ok, in general, but I feel guilty for not being there, if anything, "just in case" (and let's not even mention how I drown in guilt, shame and regret over my cat).
May starts tomorrow! May used to be really problematic for me, bringing me guys to get involved with. That was sad, that always ended in pain for me. But it got much, much worse with the murder of a high school friend/college teammate/would-be colleague, ten years ago.
I just remembered this also was the month we got together with Joseph, also ten years ago. TEN YEARS!!! Fucking shit. And out of these, I've spent more time mourning his loss than actually being with him. Funny thing. I still feel something that compells me to write this story but I already tried and it was a piece of crap. I don't know how to tell it in a lively, elegant manner.
Maybe I would find out how if I dedicated some time to actually writing. But it's hard when I have all these pending things from the research project and the classes, it's unbelievable how this never ends. It's e-mail after e-mail, task after task, at any time of the day and sometimes night.
Oh, and I'm going north this sunday for a week, to collect surveys for the research project. I postponed the trip once and then once more when the 8,4 earthquake hit but third time's a charm. Let's just get this over with.
Alright, this is enough catching-up for now. Andrew and I have both tomorrow and the day after off. That means: more time to work on our classes and papers and everyhing else! Happy International Worker's Day, huh? I am a worker and I am international, send me cookies.
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