Tuesday, 10/08/02 - 8:14 pm.
Well, I went to the UCA today. For two reasons...I was interviewing a writer (that's also a professor) and I was getting my application.
Art came to my house and my dad dropped us off at the UCA. The place is huge, so we got lost. Then we found two more girls that were interviewing him, too. We were waiting for Norman to arrive. He did, and he'd gotten lost, too. But he found a friend of his who showed him the way. For the way things happened, you just couldn't deny God had sent His love down to Norman.
So the interview started half an hour later. That mister is a great person, an interesting character. He talked a lot about ghosts. Man, I love paranormality. He was very open, and I was a bit ashamed thinking we could've gotten him a small present, some kind of "gratitude token" for taking his time with us.
Anyway, after that, Art and the girls left. Norman had already gotten his application and only needed to pay for it. We walked to the main building, and while I was filling in mine, he was paying at the bank nearby. Then I went to pay, and he stayed with me. And then...we walked out of the building, feeling halfway college.
It's a nice feeling. The UCA is a different enviroment, but it didn't make me miss high school. I thought of the ESJ, and I compared it with the UCA...yeah, I could definitely get used to it. Graduating from school is not that bad after all.
It's what they say...the ESJ people always hang out together, Norm said. Yeah. We both were wandering around the UCA, trying to find our way to the parking lot (hi, we got lost again) and we were running into so many people....and we both were sticking together, as if they were trying to eat us. The ESJ people remain together because as soon as your classmates find out you come from that school, they try to team up with you on every assignemnt. Because the ESJ people are the "nerds".
I'm glad he was there with me. It could've been less complicated if I had gone by myself (that means: with my parents). I'd have gone to the main building, asked for the application, filled it in, walked a few feet to the bank and then come back to turn it in, then left. My parental units said I should ask my brother (Carlos) to get it for me (he works and studies there), but as complicated as it was, I'm glad I did the entire thing. Norm kept me company. Friends make everything easier. Him specially, he's very careful with the details. He's very special, you know? I haven't been with him (only with him) for ages, and now that I think about it, I did miss his company.
Other than that, my day was ok. Well...not entirely ok.
Throughout the whole day, I saw Denver with a girl. The same girl I always talk about (I'm sure I've mentioned her, but I won't look for those entries). Every time I'd see him, she was around. He'd put his head on her lap when they were sitting on the floor, he'd be putting his arm around her, walking her...you know, stuff.
- Me: ok, if I see them this way for more than three days in a row, that's gonna be a bad sign...
- Voice: which way?
- Me: you know...hugging, talking, hanging around most of the time...
- Voice: you mean, doing things him and you used to do?
- Me: [insert glass breaking sound, deep inhaling, tear swallowing and lip biting].
Well, how entertaining.
How entertaining to hear my heart bleed.
Fuck this. Fuck all my efforts to make it look nice for him. Fuck every damn second I suffer for his coldness. Fuck every word he said to me. Fuck this goddamn feeling I can't get rid of. Fuck my impotence, fuck my broken heart, fuck his indifference. Fuck the mirror for telling me I look pretty.
I wish I'd never met him. I don't care if in That 70s show Eric decided to keep the memories after he broke up with Donna. Fuck my memories of him, I don't want them.
Today, right after school dismissal, I wanted to kick something. Anything. Kick and kick and kick and yell. I was very upset.
Bad, love. Bad.
Self, how many times do I have to tell you that falling in love is not healthy for you?
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