Surrounded and alone.
Saturday, 10/20/01 - 10:10 a.m..

I got a teller man at the liquor store
plays my number four-four-four
I got a mojo...and don't you know?
I'm all dressed up with no place to go
I got women to the left of me
women to the right of me
I got chicks all around me
said I ain't got you.

("I ain't got you" - C. Carter, performed by Aerosmith)

I actually have no idea to whom I dedicate this, but it goes with all my heart, to that person I don't have.

Because...I don't have anyone. Last night was such a shallow night. I was talking to many friends online...all of them were boys. Some told me I looked really pretty yesterday, others that were told so, and other, my "ex", couldn't find a better topic than talking about me and all the guys that like me. It was shallow, indeed. I'm not the kind of person who likes to have a "list of guys to choose one from", I've never wanted to be a boy-magnet....maybe if I turn myself upside-down? Usually, in every magnet, one pole atracts and the other one rejects. But hell, take out the imagination and there's only reality left: no one likes me. And at least for now, I'm truly ok with that.

Anyway, I felt a bit uncomfortable with those conversations so I logged out. And who calls at 10:00 p.m.? The guy. I had called him before for a mathematical reason (I was doing math homework, that's the reason why I called. Not because I felt horny). He asks me about my "romantic life", too. He also mentioned a boy who's in love with me. Big deal. By that time I was truly uncomfortable with all that crap.

Parental units won't be home over the weeked. I get to sleep in their bed. AND I could swear the guy is calling tonight. But he missed the main thing. Yesterday I was feeling really..."hormonal" and would have 'played' with him (shame on me), but today I'm just sick of having people around me and feeling alone. Finally, I'm thinking with the right head. By the way, my ex told me that the guy is a bastard. He tried to "steal" his girlfriend. That's him. It's not the first time he does that. As a free advice, my "ex" said that I'd better stay away from him.

Screw them all up.

I was feeling a bit down a few moments ago, but thanks to Aerosmith, I'm one cheered-up individual...despite that I'm physically sick. Yesterday I had a bad cough but I didn't care. Today I woke up feeling crappy.......fuck, I'm starting to cough my lungs out. I just hope my voice gets raspy. I feel better now though. The hardest parts of my sickness usually happen when I wake up, because I can't get up, and when I go to sleep, because I can't sleep.

I guess...I'd better leave. I'm having a math encounter of the 3rd type on monday.

It's not the COUGH that carries you OFF...It's the COFFIN they carry you OFF IN. - Steven Tyler.

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