Inside Out: anger edition.
Sunday, 08.23.2015 - 6:16 pm.

We finally have our UK visa! We've been waiting the whole week for it, and for our travel date/plane tickets. Nothing on the latter, but it shouldn't take too long now. I hope. I guess. It shouldn't!

In these 15 days without updating, I've taken up learning french on Duolingo and I've been trying to finish everything in my workplace. French is coming along, if you care to know that j'ai une chatte noire et un chat rouge. My work, on the other hand, never ends. This was particularly true on Friday, when my boss, who is currently in Denmark for a conference, kept sending me things to do. She also said she'd miss me very much. Aw. Only one more week to go before I'm out of a job. I have mixed feelings about it.

Speaking of feelings, today's been a tough day on that front. Over nothing particularly dramatic, but I did get very angry at Andrew for making plans without me. The worst part is that I cannot articulate my thoughts, and when I told him how I was feeling I used vague statements, instead of using "you" statements, that were the ones that were true: you asked our friend, and not me but in front of me, if we should do something yesterday (today). You then changed those plans around because you realized they clashed with your LoL matches so you moved everything around for your convenience. Me, consequently, I was left to wait until 5 pm to have some time for myself, to do the things I was hoping to do today.

I know it's better to use "I" statements on relationship disagreements and all that. But I hated myself for not telling it like it was, it wasn't me this time. But I get tongue-tied, and I just can't get my point across.

I made the effort to get over it, because I know Andrew doesn't do it on purpose and he doesn't notice. And we had other things to deal with, like Andrew's grandfather issues (to put it simply, I think the poor man has had it with this life. His wife passed away, his beloved grandson did too, this other grandson is moving oversees and while he still can walk around the house, he needs someone to take care of him and has little control over his own environment). Then we went to the movies with those friends and shopped for a backpack for our trip, and stopped by the supermarket.

We went to see Inside out, which was amazing and marvelous and had me with tears streaming down my face at some point. Why go get my PhD anymore, it's all in the movie.

Anyway, the afternoon turned out ok. I didn't believe otherwhise but still. Between my anger/hurt over being excluded and the movie, my eyes feel still puffy and my heart feels heavy. Andrew approached and apologized for making plans for the two of us, smart man who gets it, even if it takes him an entire day. I didn't have to say a word but that's not good. I hate that I couldn't say it when he first asked, and I hate that I couldn't say it once he apologized, even if he understood why I got mad. I just didn't get to say all the things that run around in my mind for a good portion of the day.

Well, I can't do much more now, except be relieved he understood and that we're back on good terms, which is always wonderful.

Oh, last night we went to the wedding of a couple of our closest friends (both the bride and groom). It was wonderful, so beautiful. These events, however, remind me how dissatisfied I am with my own wedding, but I suppose eventually I'll make peace with it because it truly wasn't bad at all. Anyway, in that wedding there was a young man, a cousin of the bride, who looked exactly like Joseph. It was uncanny! He could have been a 20-year-old Joseph, and I took every chance I could to look at him. I didn't feel bad about anything related to this (formerly?) touchy subject, I was only amazed at how much this kid resembled Joseph.

Oh, and also yesterday, we rescued a cat. He cried all night outside our building, and we finally took him to the vet in the afternoon the next day, it turned out he was badly injured. Andrew and I think he's from one house around here, but we'll still take the opportunity to heal him and, yeah, neuter him. The poor cat deserves some quality of life, with guardians that let him roam the streets in heat.

That's mostly it for now. I may need to go to the bathroom and cry, to get some more out. Actually, I'm still angry because I will not get to do many things as I wanted today and this week, as I said before, is our last week of work so I'll be very busy.

Then, September comes and it will be indeed time to move out.

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