Monday, 10/14/02 - 5:17 pm.
Carmen and I had a long talk about our relationship during lunch today. I don't know where to start, so I might as well save the drama. She did most of the talking, how hurt she is because a lot of people she thought would be with her have disappeared (hi, including me), that she's been through some rough times, that she discovered she's selfish to herself, because she tries to please everybody...I was almost pissed, because I know most of the feelings she talked about, I wanted to tell her I KNOW! I KNOW! I know what it fuckin' feels!. She wonders why we let our friendship fade away, and says that she's happy I have a lot of friends that make me laugh. She said she can't stand how cold we've turned to each other...blah, blah, blah....I'm kind of sorry. Because it's kind of my fault. Not entirely sorry because it's not entirely my fault. We sort of made everything up because I sort of didn't express how I feel. The truth is, I couldn't find words. So there.
Marcela and I are dating, was the first thing I heard at school. I couldn't believe it. Rod and Mars...together. It was so...yeah, cute. I almost cried. They look very happy. I saw Mars smiling the entire day, and everybody was shocked. Awww *tear*. Congratulations to the new couple *Simeon cheers with a glass of water*.
I'm gonna talk to the principal, Art said on the second recess, while he, Cel and I were walking to the cafeteria. Cel looked at him: what for?. He pointed to her and then to himself. And Cel smiled: about us?!?!. Art is going to ask the principal for permission to be with her. Remember the 9 feet rule? That stupid rule that is applied to some couple, that doesn't allow them to be less than 9 feet away from each other. Cel hugged me and I knew she was going to cry. Can you imagine? We'd get to spend our last two weeks of high school together!. I'm praying for them. That's a stupid rule and Art and Cel didn't deserve it. They haven't been able to hold hands since last year. It's unfair. The principal said he'd consult with some other people, and they'll tell them tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers and toes, and so is Simeon.
*Simeon points outs to yours truly that he doesn't have toes*
Either way...
My girlfriend has changed a lot, Tyler..., Vic said to me. I'm sorry about it, I know he loves her so much. Although he asked me today to marry him, I know he loves her and can't live without her.
Today it was a weird day. I had a lot of dejavus. The new Mars and Rod relationship alone made it weird. Then Art's resolution to go talk to the principal...he said it all of a sudden (I hope they let them be together). I got the feeling there were a lot of couples in senior high. But that's just me, that's actually something very rare. There are four or five couples out of 110 people.
My couple?
I don't have a couple. Nothing changed. Well....he did two things that he hadn't done since he left me weeks (a month and something?) ago. But 95% of the time, it was the same. You're not fuckin' sorry, one voice in my head said. But I pretty much saw that coming. Nothing was going to change big time. I was very skeptical. I'm glad I was, or else I'd be crushed and crying my eyes out right now. Still, I'm disappointed. And hurt. As usual.