Hostage of a toxic relationship.
Friday, 07.01.2016 - 5:41 pm.

I'm coming in today because I don't think I'll be able to update over the weekend. My nephew is leaving tomorrow afternoon, and as soon as I get off the train from Manchester airport, I'm picking up my friend Rod (yaaay!), from high school, at the bus station. Luckily, the train station is only a couple of blocks away from the bus station.

I'm feeling really sad about my nephew leaving, my heart is slowly breaking. I'm afraid his stay here was less successful than expected. I mean, I think he had a wonderful time, volunteering at the alpaca farm, and at the animal shelter, and playing with a band, but he's going home uncertain of his fate because he never got the letter from the college.

It did not help that today I ran into the guy I've been talking about in the last few entries. Andrew and I met him at lunch, he came down to the common room to see if we were there, to catch up and hang out for a while. That's nice, isn't?

I was trying to do what friends do, which is talk about what is going. I told him about my nephew, his plans for the future, and his response was that my nephew intended to "cheat the system". Like all immigrants, huh? If he does return, he's coming here with a student visa and paying for his own education. Such an abuse of this poor country.

I'm really sorry I talked too much about my nephew, thus giving that asshat ideas to cruelly amuse himself while snickering and being condescending at us, or downright offensive. We parted ways amicably, as usual, but I am fucking sick of that asshole. I wish I didn't have to see him anymore, I hope he bursts a vein over his constant raging about people being annoying morons, as he is himself. He makes me sick.

I've tried to maintain a friendship and embrace the different points of view, because it helps maintain a balanced general view, but such lazy reasoning as the one he displayed has had an impact on major decisions and behaviors. Just yesterday I heard two white men yell mockingly "that's all the work you'll be getting from now on!" to a black girl who was advertising Domino's Pizza near my house. Big pieces of shit. And that piece of garbage that I wanted to be friends with is closer to that line of thinking that he thinks.

I said it before, I know I would be in trouble if he and I had a fallout. I feel like a hostage of this annoying relationship. I have the arguments but not the quick thinking nor the strength of character to stand up for myself or others. Hell, I get acid reflux the moment I start experiencing strong emotions, no matter which kind! And the reflux is especially loud when it's negative emotions. So I go around saying that he's not such a bad person, and truly, he is not, but there's something about him...he's destructive, that's what it is. He's toxic in his world views and in his way of treating other people.

I should try to focus on the good, right? Personally, I've had experienced nothing but good vibes from other British people, especially at the Psych department. Yesterday and today, I've had very positive interactions with Andrew's office mate, who is just the most wonderful woman, and my supervisor and people from financial offices, who have helped me with a bit of a screw-up I made. So there's that.

Anyway, it's time to go for pizza with my nephew and Andrew. This should follow the line of my last entry, in which I needed to shake the bad vibes off. Tomorrow will be hard to say goodbye, but I hope everything turns out ok. I hope my nephew makes it and makes that jerk shut his disgusting mouth. I don't know who left the nail clippings on his desk, but good!

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