Letting go of roles and manuscripts.
Saturday, 10.14.2017 - 9:45 am.

I skipped writing last weekend, and how I've missed it this week, feeling I have things bottled up, waiting to come out. The funny thing is that I have to shake my head a bit to remember why I didn't write. As I'm writing these lines, I can't remember. 

Wait, yes! Andrew and I went to Robin's Hood Bay and Whitby last Saturday, on a day trip arranged by the university (they just take you by bus, they drop you there and bring you back. It's quite affordable and gives plenty of freedom to do what you want). I felt incredibly happy just being there and it was a wonderful trip for the both us. We had coffee by the seashore and lunch-packed-at-home by a lighthouse, did some shopping, walked hand in hand. Add this trip to Our Honeymoon database. This four-year-long honeymoon that is our PhD. I feel so lucky. But then again, we worked hard to earn our scholarship and be in the program, so besides luck, it's damn well-earned. Give me more day trips. 

Oh, and I didn't write here on Sunday because I got sucked in correcting my manuscript. My AF story is almost ready, and the submission deadline for the novel contest is on November 1st (!!!). I was in a frenzy, trying to finish reading it for the Nth time to correct any mistakes or plot holes I may have missed. I love this story but it's not going to win, I'm not sure it reflects the spirit of the publisher running the contest. I think it should win, though! Maybe someone will think it's worth publishing it outside the contest, that's my biggest hope. Anyway, that's why I didn't write in here last weekend. And I'm aiming to mail my story this Monday. Wish me luck. 

Now, I wanted to report two things about that week before this one:

1. I finished my term as secretary for the Psych Postgraduate Society. I can't believe it's been over a year since I showed up to the election, all because I wanted to ask for restoring the coffee mornings in our new building. It's been quite a ride. Frustrating, sometimes, in terms of attendance and getting other people involved. But we did get the coffee mornings going again (note, we) and the committee as a whole was amazing. Andrew and I both were in it and made new friends. We were all full of ideas and motivation, and we made quite a wonderful, powerful team.  

As secretary, I was in charge of writing the monthly newsletter. And I was surprised to find in the Society's email account, after sending out the October newsletter, my last one, a message from T. T is the professor I admire so much, with whom I took a class also a year ago on neuroscience and gender, and failed to make an impression on him. I had a major crush on him but it was mostly an intellectual one. I'd like to be that intelligent and sensible, that competent with my writing, that able to reach out to other people through my work. 

Right, so there's a message from him. I didn't think anybody read the newsletter, let alone people from staff. He said he was impressed with all we did as a Society this year (I made "year in review" document), and he liked the series at the bottom of every newsletter, in which each month we'd highlight a contemporary woman psychologist who'd been voted as eminent by her peers. It's a fun series and I learned a lot from writing it. I wanted to reply HI, T, YES, I WROTE IT! I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA OF THE SERIES! I WRITE THE WHOLE NEWSLETTER BY MYSELF! But, you know, I couldn't do that. I replied thank you, and glad he liked the series, hopefully the new committee would continue the tradition. 

I was a bit frustrated because I would have liked the recognition all to myself, at least concerning the series (the first part of his comment did refer to a team effort). But overall, I was glowing for days: oi, I got a seal of approval from T, even if he doesn't know he gave it to me. I mean, he does remember me from class and I did sign the reply with my name, "Secretary", hence the formal response; on behalf of the rest of the committee and shit. BUT I GOT A SEAL OF APPROVAL FROM THE PROFESSOR WHOSE WORK I ADMIRE THE MOST IN THE DEPARTMENT, even years before I knew he worked there and I was just a follower of his blog. 

2. There's a new Society committee, then. It's been hard to let go of my position, and I struggled with the idea of staying for another year. Everybody did ask me to stay; hell, yes, I'm damn good at this. But being a secretary is the most demanding role in the committee and I have to finish my studies. Let the new committee pick it up where we left off, though I foresee a bit of friction between the new members, at least at the beginning. Hopefully they'll be able to sort it out.  

But that's besides the point. We had our First Friday Drinks in the evening of the day of the election. For the first time in my life, I went. It's organized by the Society and I, as part of it, never went. It was fun! Since it's the beginning of the academic year, and there's booze involved, and we were celebrating the new committee, lots of people turned out. I got to spend the whole evening sitting next to A, my crush, and talking to him. And that was all I wanted to say for point 2 about last week.

Now, this week...I handed over my secretary role yesterday, at the first meeting for the new committee, and I only have one more task to complete. Then I can focus on getting participants for my two remaining studies and begin writing my thesis. I'm taking two courses on thesis writing and public speaking, that will also keep me busy. 

 It was A's birthday on Thursday. He'd said at the drinks event that he never celebrated, and afterwards I told Andrew about it (Andrew didn't go, he doesn't drink alcohol). A lot of people around us at the pub, upon hearing about A's birthday, talked about throwing a big celebration and whatnot. He didn't want that. Neither Andrew or I are up for shoving down people's throat an activity that they don't want to do, but we kept the date in mind. 

On Thursday afternoon, as Andrew and I were leaving the office, Andrew asked me if we could invite A to our house, if he didn't have any other plans. He didn't. My new friend Eric (now just "my friend", he's a regular in my cast of characters) had bought a card for A and he was around, so we also invited him. It was just the four of us, and we had crackers with dips and cheese, and garlic bread, olives, chorizo, mushrooms with butter, ice cream, cupcakes, coffee, wine and beer, and Mario Kart 8 matches. It was very low key and very nice. It didn't occur to me to approach A and invite him over, I'm glad Andrew did. He's a pal. 

This weekend I plan on staying home and catching up with writing in my blogs/comic strip, and letting go of my manuscript. I have to remember, I have T's seal of approval in my ideas and execution of them (I'll never live this down), and I've also lighted a candle to the Ziggy Stardust photo for October in my wall calendar. That's gotta count for something. 

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