Friday, 05.25.2018 - 6:15 pm.
The baggage of last Friday's event was heavy on me during the weekend. I kept kicking myself for falling into the narcissist's trap. I knew better! Just the week before I'd risen above by not to engaging with him when he was clearly trying to push my buttons.
I had other small frustrations this past weekend, but it was mostly the Human Flaming Bag of Dog Poo (HFBDP) who kept coming back to me in the form of intrusive thoughts. In the end I broke down and cried in Andrew's arms. He's the greatest (or just a decent human being) for validating my feelings and letting me vent.
Plus: So what? Yes, the HFBDP won when he said that Gay Totalitarianism bullshit and I felt the need to respond. He won what, though? I took his bait but no one else cared. Everybody in the departments knows he's a genuinely mean piece of shit, and whatever he does or says just reflects poorly on him. I returned to a nice happy life after the seminar incident, which is not something you can say about someone as toxic as him.
As I've taken distance from last Friday, I've been getting over the HFBDP and feeling better. I blocked him on Facebook, too! That was liberating. I don't care to maintain any sort of relationship with him, nor to justify that to him should he confront me about it. A part of me is hopeful I won't see him around much anymore; he's in my year and we're done with attending departmental seminars and other collective academic activities. I hate that he may take my outrage at the seminar as a trophy to showcase his power, but that'd still be a small price to pay for never having to see him again.
I realized this week that I have four major works under review:
1. Two short stories submitted to the university literary magazine. I should probably just assume that I was rejected, given the lack of response in nearly six months. I'm clinging to this only because the previous year another submission of mine was rejected and they let me know. I guess I'm still waiting for that rejection this time around.
2. My article on bisexuality submitted to a major outlet. I thought it was a good piece, well worth the money they pay, but I'm anticipating rejection here too. I have no idea if or when I'll get an answer. And me getting paid for an article sounds too good to be true.
3. Part of my novel submitted to a publishing house. They should let me know by August if they're interested in reading the whole thing. They may take longer than that to contact me. They may not want to read the whole thing.
4. A scientific paper Brother #3 and I wrote together! It should be ready for submission in the next couple of days to a journal. I know this one will come out eventually, and possibly before all the other three works above.
Something important that happened this week: Yesterday I took part in a study about bisexuality. The researcher came to the city to interview me (and other people) for her PhD. It was really great talking about myself like this, haha. I do look back on the interview and remember things I could have said better or that I forgot to mention. Luckily I'll get the chance to add some clarifications when she sends the interview transcription to me.
Also, from this experience I got an idea for a study on bisexuality, so I shall work on it these upcoming weeks.
Lastly, I ordered a tote bag from the store I'm setting up on Red Bubble. I should be getting it by now, and I'm desperate to see the product to decide whether I should open the store or just delete my account. That site has AMAZING work by professional designers and illustrators. I just do doodles and I barely know how to create a high-res file. I have to make sure that at least I make quality doodles before I start asking for people's money in exchange for them.
Honestly, I doubt anyone will be interested in my designs, but I want to reclaim my place as someone who dedicates A LOT of time and mental energy to creating content. I've been doing that online since 2004 (2001 if you count this diary), plus my three published books of short stories. All this work, and it has always been me parting with money as "investment" instead of earning any. This makes me immensely sad. I don't think I was taught to properly value my creative work, however modest it is.
This is it for this week! I'm looking forward to a long weekend, but I really don't have a lot on my to-do list. I've written two months' worth of Simeon comic strip in advance, so I'm a bit depleted and I'll give myself a break. Or so I say right now.
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