Friday, Nov. 15, 2019 - 8:17 pm.
It's our 5th wedding anniversary today <3
I gave Andrew a card I bought some months ago, while we were still in the UK. It's a couple in bathing suits, standing at the edge of a lake, holding each other's asses. And I think that's beautiful. Life will always be OK, or at least bearable, as long as we have each other's ass at hand.
Protests have continued this week in the country. Good, I say. We only went to work on Monday, and I cancelled my trip to Santiago on Tuesday to renew my passport at the consulate. I've worked at home lot, though, although the tasks are either sad and mind-numbing, or require me dealing with people via email which depletes me over the course of a few hours. As for Andrew, even though he remains upset with his job and has reasons to quit, the week didn't bring all the work-related despair we expected.
This week we also got contact details to see some apartments. We have nothing secured, we still have to make phone calls, but today we managed to see one, and we'd stick to it if we could. It's in the building where we used to live since we met and before we left for the UK! It kind of sucks to return to that old place, it feels a bit regressive, but at the same time: it's familiar! It's a great location! It's affordable. Fingers crossed that next week will bring some certainty in terms of living arrangements for us.
Funny thing, I've also been filling Andrew in on my life before coming Chile. He's asked me a few times to tell him stories from back then before we go to sleep. I suppose I should just show him this diary, eh? I told him about my break-up with Joseph last night, Jesus Christ.
It was weird, but not in an uncomfortable way. I feel I can talk honestly to Andrew about anything and everything, it's just that... I mean, wow, Joseph. It's so weird just thinking about him, let alone putting him into words. It's like summoning his presence. It still hurts, though it's been eleven years(!!!) since he dumped me. I did tell Andrew that Joseph wrote me this year apologizing for hurting me so much. SHIT, just look at how weird that sentence is, with both their names in it. But anyway, it's been really nice telling Andrew about my life.
Also, today we went for lunch, for our anniversary. We're far away from everything and the country's still in turmoil, so we didn't want to risk it by being out at night. We went to this sweet sushi place, all dressed up and wearing our original wedding bands (made from a golden ring that was Andrew's grandfather's gift to us). I got heavily drunk on a glass of pisco sour, and in that state we went apartment-hunting for a while before returning home.
The thing about our wedding day is that, in retrospective, it's one of the saddest days of our lives, separately and as a couple. (1) My parents missed the ceremony because I insisted on having the reception out in the country, and we miscalculated traveling times and arrangements. (2) I forgot, just plainly forgot to invite a dear professor with whom I'd been working that same year on her researh project, while Andrew forgot to invite a close friend. (3) It was the last time we saw Andrew's brother alive. We're not fond of looking back to our wedding day for long.
Our marriage, however, is fantastic. I grew up with pop culture and society insisting that marriage was something you had to do, but it made you feel trapped, miserable and unhappy to the point that your spouse (or you) became a punchline. Me, I've lived a life of love, happiness, and freedom (and cats!) with Andrew, together since 2011 and married since 2014. I'm so grateful for crossing paths with him, and it's scary to think how easy it would have been to miss him. Amidst all the calm and the chaos in this world, there's his ass at hand.
Lastly, I may have my manuscript ready for submission this week! It didn't seem like this day would come. It was a huge task, and I didn't know where to start changing it, after the somewhat humilliating (for me, though it was actually polite) but very useful feedback I got from the major publishing house which was my biggest dream but now has closed its door for me forever. Now, where I will submit the manuscript, who the fuck knows.
This upcoming week: I'm going to Santiago on Monday, at fucking last, to renew my passport. I'm going by plane, which is more expensive than a 8-hour bus ride, but -as you can tell- it saves a lot of time, it's a round trip for the day. Then, hopefully things at work will calm down, and hopefully we'll find an apartment. And maybe things will improve for the people in this country, and maybe I'll find a way to be useful. But, again, who the fuck knows.
prev / next