Monday, 11/04/02 - 10:26 am.
- Me: (...) by the way, thanks for the e-mail.
- Him: don't mention it. But...I really don't feel strong enough to talk about it right now.
- Me: That's ok.
- Him: But I will.
- Me: When you feel like. I'm always here.
- Him: I know.
After finishing the conversation, part of me thought that ohmygod! he'lldeclarehisloveforyou! Yes, I couldn't help thinking about it. But my realistic self convinced me otherwise: No. He'll probably wants to talk about your cutting and maybe apologize again for hurting you. No doubt about it.
After this big confusion, I decided I really don't want to know what he has to say to me.
Yeah, ok....I do want to know.
Today it was my L A S T math exam. I'm praying for getting the right average. Doing the math (eh), it seems I'm practically already graduated. I'm 85% sure I pass math...which means there's a 15% (100 - 85 = 15?)probability of the 11/14/02 entry being about how much I screwed up and basically bitching about getting my diploma until january. Exciting to wonder what will happen, yes?
Yes. But I can do without such kind of excitement.
My dad was pickin' me up at 9:30. My exam finished at 9:00. So I went up and sat on the benches near the parking lot. Denver was there.
He came from behind and grabbed my head. I was going to give him a big birthday hug but when I turned around and he moved aside, he hit his knee with the bench, so it was more like I helped him keep the balance.
We sort of talked. About insignificant stuff. But I appreciate the fact that he was with me until my dad picked me up. I wish I could talk to him, but I'm really speechless when I'm with him. Not because I have problems speaking, I'm just the kind of person that finds difficult to start a conversation.
Last night when we were talking online, he said his parents didn't even remember it was his birthday. I saw his mom before I left school, and...well, she looks...like the kind lady that can turn into a not-so kind bitch.
Like I mentioned yesterday, Adri invited me to the beach, with Veronica, on sunday. Her parents and Veronica's mom are going. Norman is going. They're going to invite Claudia. And Denver. And suddenly I don't like the idea of going. I don't want to go if he doesn't go. And he may not go, if we have in mind the kind of parents he has.
On the other hand, I don't want to go if Claudia goes, even if Denver goes. That'd be some kind of fuckin' Temptation Island. She'd go after Norman, and since she can't have him she'd go after Denver. Norman would go after Veronica and Claudia would be jealous....it just doesn't sound like a cool situation.
So...today he's 17. I'm gonna be 18 (*gasp*). When I was remembering last night's conversation with him this morning, my voices realized the ages and sang that song...you are 16, going on 17.... How dumb.
I have to study for tomorrow's exam. If there's something that gets on my nerves is my dad telling me: study, you hear?. Fuck, like I don't. He knows I don't need such advice, he's always stating the fuckin' obvious. I hate that.